The Soul's Alchemy

Just Focus

2012-01-09T16:53:00.003-05:00

Society seems to be gearing us all to be multi-taskers and most of us have embraced multi-tasking as a way of life without giving it too much thought. It's likely that at this very moment you are reading this blog post you are probably doing at least one other thing; more likely two or three (making dinner, helping the kids with homework, scanning email, etc). While on the one hand it seems like being able to multi-task shows behavioral flexibility, on the other it tends to show an inability to really be in the moment, focus and be fully conscious/present in the experience. We have all become very good at doing a lot of things at the same time, yet is it making our lives better? Are we using it to our advantage or are we using it as an avoidance strategy to distance ourselves from our feelings/experiences?

While behavioral flexibility and the ability to adapt to rapid change is great, becoming disassociated / disconnected is not as it removes us from being fully conscious and experiencing life. Too much multi-tasking tends to shift our consciousness over to autopilot. Autopilot tunes out our emotional connection to what we are doing and puts us in that gray area where we are unable to feel passionate or excited and instead just feel 'blah'. The more multi-tasking we do, the less time we have to connect to what we are doing, the less we aware we become. Knowing emotion drives behavior, is it any wonder that as people become more disassociated and removed from their emotions and daily experiences, they become more apathetic, feel overwhelmed, exhausted and defeated.

After a while, life begins to feel like a never ending list of tasks with not enough hours in the day to get everything done. Multi-tasking by its very nature means everything is a "work-in-progress" simply because you are doing a little of everything all day long. In other words there will always be a lot of unfinished/incomplete tasks at the end of the day. Another consideration is when you multi-task some of the bigger tasks stay on the list for an extended period of time because you are only chipping away at it rather than giving it your full, undivided attention. Seeing the same task on your to do list for days (or perhaps weeks/months) may give you the feeling like its never going to get done.

How often have you worked steadily all day long, only to find at the end of the day you have not crossed a single item off your list of tasks? More importantly, how does it make you feel?

If the continuous work-in-progress list motivates and excites you, by all means continue on multi-tasking to your heart's content; just ensure you are fully present and in the moment when you are with others. However, if multi-tasking feels like its sucking the life out of you and taking all the joy out of life, now would be an ideal time to realign your priorities and focus. Add some structure so you are working smarter, in a way that gives you the ability to cross off tasks at the end of each day so you feel you are accomplishing what you set your mind to and feel good about getting things done.

Ultimately, I believe living life in a way that will keep you feeling excited, motivated, inspired and happy is the way to go. Each of us is unique so we each have to choose our own way to achieve the life we want and the way we want to live it.

As always, the choice is yours.

Blessings.

Bren

Peace On Earth

2011-11-29T10:56:00.001-05:00

A common theme at this time of year is one of Peace On Earth. With so much unrest in the world it seems like it is an impossible dream to live in a peaceful world and we lose hope that there will be peace in our lifetime.

Yet if our outer world is a reflection of our inner world, then we need to ask ourselves "Where are we at war within ourself and our own life?"

Peace, like change, has to start within us. If each of us looked within ourselves, would we find peace or chaos or even hatred and war? Think about it, how do you feel about yourself? Do you really love who you are? Are you at peace with your looks, your personality, your job, your health, your mental, emotional and spiritual aspects? What about your relationships, are they peaceful? Are the lines of communication open, ensuring honesty and compassion are a natural part of all communication within your relationships?

How can we promote peace, be a channel for peace if within us resides self-loathing; anger, resentment, jealousy, chaos, deceit, hatred, or envy? If we cannot come to terms with our own relationships, to honour and respect each other on a personal one-to-one basis, to create peace within our own lives, how on earth can we expect nations to create peace globally?

Simply put, to create Peace on Earth we must first create peace within ourselves. Only when we know peace within our own life will we be able to then create peace in the world around us.

May there be peace in our world, and let it begin with me...

Everyone Has A Price

2011-11-10T14:09:00.001-05:00

In previous posts we've discussed three of the four archetypes common to all humanity: the Child, the Victim, the Saboteur, and today we take a closer look at the final one, the Prostitute in the hope of grasping its influence in our lives.

When people think of the Prostitute, they think of it in the typical terms of the sex trade industry and believe since they are not a sex worker, this archetype has no influence on them. However, to really grasp the meaning of the Prostitute archetype, you have to expand your concept of what it is and how it relates to you. With this in mind, let's explore the Shadow and Light aspects of the Prostitute archetype in order to shift our perception of it and gain understanding of how and where its energy is felt in our life.

Do you remember the old saying "Everyone has a price"?; this refers to the Prostitute archetype within us. The Prostitute archetype represents "what we are willing to sell and for what". Think beyond the obvious of selling one's body for money and consider how, when and in what circumstances we "sell out". Likely just reading that last line has triggered a feeling within you because we are all tempted regularly and while we don't think of it as prostitution per se, it really is a form of selling parts of ourselves for some kind of gain.

Let me provide some examples, so you can recognize how the Prostitute archetype is at work in your life. Then when you find yourself in situations where it appears, you will know what it looks, sounds and feels like in the moment.

In one's work life, the Prostitute may manifest as a 'yes man (or yes woman)' agreeing with the boss simply to further one's own career. In this case the person may be selling out their personal values/beliefs/opinions or their colleagues to ensure their own career advancement. Another way could be putting all their time and energy into their job and neglecting their family; in effect selling out the family for financial gain. Still another example is knowing when the company is doing something morally/ethically wrong and choosing to go along with it because that's what you are paid to do. These are only a couple of ways in which the Prostitute archetype can make itself known in a person's work life; there are many other ways if you want to give it some serious thought.

In your personal life, the Prostitute manifests in numerous ways as well. People who stay in relationships because of the material aspects, the house, the car, the money, the image, yet are unhappy, lonely, or even living separate lives under the same roof are selling out their happiness and well-being for security. The same can be said for those who stay with someone simply because they don't want to be alone. In the long run their unhappiness will eventually lead to bitterness, anger, regret and most likely illness.

Other ways include pretending to be someone you are not in order to be accepted/liked; in essence selling out who you are for acceptance. In more physical terms, a person may sacrifice their health and well-being for material security or even for approval/love. This may manifest as going to work when they are ill or even staying in an abusive relationship. Some will sell out their friendships when they get involved in a relationship because their new lover doesn't want them to spend time with friends. Any circumstance where you are surrendering some aspect of yourself in order to gain something is really your Prostitute archetype making itself known.

Like the Victim and the Saboteur, it can be difficult to see past all the Shadow aspects of the Prostitute and to find the Light/Positive aspect. In essence, the Prostitute is our Guardian of Faith. Its goal is to encourage us to believe in what we know is right and to act upon that knowledge. By doing so, we strengthen our self-esteem and self-respect by choosing to have faith in ourselves in those moments where selling out would be easy, yet ultimately, would leave us feeling guilty, angry, ashamed, remorseful, etc.

Examples of the Light aspect of the Prostitute include corporate whistle blowers; those individuals who know what is being done is wrong and take a stand against it. Another is the ability to create healthy boundaries around your work life, recognizing the importance of life outside the office - family and friends. The Light aspect within health and well-being, its recognizing when one needs to take care of themself and not cave in to the demands or pressures from work or from family and friends. The Light Prostitute is about having faith in who you are, knowing there will always be those who love you unconditionally and those whose love and/or approval you will never have and choosing to always be who you are and not apologizing or compromising yourself in order to please others.

We all have weaknesses, we all have moments of doubt where we have to choose between standing up or selling out. Yet when you consciously choose to figure out "What your price is" your awareness of your Prostitute archetype increases and it becomes easier to Stand Up rather than to Sell Out.

Is it easy to live through the Light aspect of the Prostitute? No. However, it does become easier the more you do and is infinitely worth it. Living through the Light aspect creates self-esteem and self-respect which in turn builds self-confidence. When you are confident, the judgments and criticisms of others no longer trigger your need to sell out, making it easier to choose to do what is right without fearing what it will cost you.

Interested in finding out more? Click Here

From The Heart

2011-10-06T11:19:00.000-04:00

I often wonder why people have such a difficult time speaking from their heart. You would think it would be easy to say "I love you" to someone you love; yet so many hesitate, waiting for the other person to say it first or say "you know how I feel" rather than actually vocalizing how they feel. Yet we have no trouble letting them know when they disappoint us, hurt us, let us down; and often in no uncertain terms.

Considering all the things we say to people throughout the course of a day, you would think that expressing love would be the nicest thing we could say. Those three little words convey a depth of emotion, a heart to heart connection, giving support, faith, encouragement, warmth, security, trust, unconditional love, all wrapped up together. Everyone loves to hear the words, yet how often do we say them? Why are we always waiting for the other person to say them first?

What fear holds us back from saying it? Is it really just the fear of "what if they don't say it back?" Or is it the fear of being vulnerable and open? Why do we fear trusting those we love? After all, if we can't be vulnerable and open with those we love, then who can we be open and vulnerable with?

Perhaps it's the constant monkey mind chatter (that incessant voice in your head) telling you all the reasons why you are unlovable and why you shouldn't let others know you care. Or perhaps it's society's influence that "you've got to be tough", "never let them see you cry", "don't give them something they can use against you" somehow turning an admission of love into a weakness rather than a strength.

Yet if you really think about it, love is the ultimate strength. Knowing you are loved gives you courage, whether it's the courage to try something new, to heal from an illness, to forgive a transgression, to reach out to someone in need; it all comes from being loved and loving others. There is comfort and security in knowing you are loved; that there are people in your life who know who you are and love you unconditionally simply because you are you. While you know it in your heart, hearing it from time to time makes your heart sing, lifts your spirits and gives you a sense of joy and belonging.

To be loved is a wonderful thing; to tell others you love them is a gift beyond measure. Isn't it time to speak from the heart and say those three little words....I Love You. Do it, do it now...there are people in your life who need to hear it and feel it. If you truly love them, tell them.

Blessings
Bren

The Victim Within

2011-10-02T10:28:00.000-04:00

Since we have four archetypes which are common to all humanity, I thought perhaps in would be wise to provide insight into each of them. Last month we took a look at the Saboteur, the Guardian of Choice, this month, let's explore the realm of the Victim, the Guardian of Self-Esteem.

Ah the Victim, we've all been there, in Victim mode at least once in our lives and if we are honest with ourselves likely a lot more than once. Like the Saboteur, it can be difficult to see a Light side to the Victim especially when we are all so very familiar with the Shadow side. We have all had times where we felt like a victim, whether it was a victim of circumstance or situations where we felt we had been taken advantage of and victimized by others. The challenge we face is do we fall into our Shadow Victim or do we step forward into our Light Victim?

In it's Shadow aspect, the Victim steps into the energy of "poor me". Helpless, defenseless, unable to do anything to change what is going on in life. From this place the Victim has no voice, no boundaries, and no real desire to create change. It's hard to believe, to really grasp why someone, anyone, would want to remain in a situation that appears to cause them pain, hardship, grief and struggle; yet somewhere, beneath all that negative stuff is a "gain". A "gain" is the reason they stay stuck in the Shadow aspect; they are meeting some need through their Shadow Victim. To give you a feel for what a gain is, so you will recognize it when you see it and hear it, I'll give you some examples.

"No one ever helps me, I have to do everything myself."
The Shadow Victim may be looking for attention in the form of sympathy; or rather than directly asking for help or admitting they need help uses guilt to try to manipulate others into volunteering to help.

"I don't have time for myself or to take care of myself, I have so many responsibilities and have to take care of...." The Shadow Victim perhaps looking for praise; i.e "You're so good to be taking care of them" or validation/justification for neglecting their own well-being: "No wonder you don't have time for yourself, you are so busy".

Then there are the medical Shadow Victims, the ones with health issues. I'm talking about those individuals who are constantly talking about how bad their condition is, how nothing helps, how they suffer; and who are likely doing nothing to improve their own well-being. These are the individuals who won't see a doctor or if they do see a doctor won't follow the doctor's advice. They have a long list of excuses why they can't do what they should be doing to improve their health, excuses like "I don't have the time/money/energy to do that" and at the same time give you a long list of why you should be more sympathetic, more patient, more helpful, perhaps even visit more often. Here the Shadow Victim is gaining sympathy, attention, and often uses their health to manipulate and guilt others into doing things for them.

As long as the Shadow Victim still finds a 'gain' there is no reason to change behaviour; they are, getting their needs met. However, after a while others grow tired and resentful of the Shadow Victim and draw away, creating reasons and excuses in order to avoid being sucked into someone's Shadow Victim pattern. At this point one of two things happen, either the Shadow Victim 'ups' the drama, illness, demands OR they decide to make changes in their lives to improve their situation rather than moaning about it.

Stepping out of the Shadow and into the Light aspect of the Victim brings an individual the opportunity to build their confidence, self-esteem, create boundaries and to speak their needs in healthy ways. Here in the Light aspect is where the Victim becomes the Guardian of Self-Esteem. This may be a little mind-bendy, to really grasp. Even saying it, "The Victim is the Guardian of Self-Esteem" may sound strange, yet when we delve into it, it will make perfect sense.

In the Light aspect is where we are able to set healthy boundaries, saying 'no' when we don't want to do something. When we are confident in who we are, we are no longer afraid that saying 'no' means others will stop liking or loving us. The Light aspect of the Victim allows us to step forward into who we really are, into our own empowerment, giving voice to our thoughts and feelings; we are honest with ourselves and others. We become true to ourselves and in turn allow others to see who we really are rather than just seeing the mask we have been wearing for years. It brings us to the point where the judgments of others no longer impacts us and that in itself is freeing.

Step out of the Shadow and into the Light of your Victim archetype and set yourself free.

Blessings
Bren

It's The Way You Tell It

2011-09-16T16:06:00.001-04:00

No one, absolutely no one, tells a story like my sister.

Anyone who knows her or who has heard her re-telling a tale of some event or adventure will tell you they gasped for air as they laughed so hard they cried. Seriously, sis is that funny and while you know somewhere in the back of your mind that she has exaggerated the story to some degree (though really not all the much) it really is the way she tells it that gets you to the point of tears of laughter.

While being around her pretty much guarantees you some laughs, it also means there are going to be times when you're going to be part of the story or worse, the lead character in the story. Trust me, I've been there on more than one occasion and she loves to tell a tale that involves you especially when you're there. While your first instinct might be to protest or correct her, the reality is, it's unlikely it help. I'm speaking from experience, it's better to just let her tell it and enjoy the reactions of those around you. Why am I sharing this with you? Simply because there's a lesson or two to be learned here.

First, even though we may share an experience with others, we don't experience the experience the same way. What we experience gets processed through our own internal filters and past experiences; so what we recall is actually a combination of the experience, the emotions it triggered in the moment as well as the memories and emotions it has triggered from the past. That's why two people can witness an accident and when asked, they tell two very different versions of what happened. Their internal filters have deleted, distorted and generalized what they saw by running it through their emotions, memories, values and other aspects of their internal processing. Since no two people are alike or have lived and experienced the exact same thing in the exact same way, there is no way they can filter things the same either, so their stories will be very different.

Second, we, as a society, really need to learn to take things (and ourselves) less seriously and to laugh a heck of a lot more. People are so ready to take offence at every little thing, seeing it as a personal slight, a slur, an attack. We need to counter this by building self-esteem, knowing who we are, releasing the need to be liked by everyone, and the need to have the approval and/or support of others in order to follow our dreams and passions. Life becomes so much easier and freer when you are confident enough to know who you are and still be able to laugh at yourself from time to time.

I'm blessed to have a sister that can experience life and find the humour in it, sharing it with others in a way that leaves everyone laughing. It's not hurtful, it doesn't belittle or demean anyone, it is simply sharing life through own human foibles and being able to laugh at them. Laughter really is the best medicine and even the toughest lessons can be taught through humour, it's all in the way you tell it...and trust me, my sis can tell it like no one else I know ~ and I am so very thankful for her!

Blessings

Self-Sabotage

2011-08-19T17:56:00.000-04:00

It's hard to imagine that people deliberately sabotage themselves, yet most people will admit they do sabotage themselves from time to time. It seems odd though, when you hear someone say they want "X" and yet they unconsciously (or sometimes even consciously) then do all kinds of things to sabotage and prevent themselves from achieving "X".

Why?

If we were to look at this through the perspective of archetypal patterning, we would first have to acknowledge the Saboteur archetype is one of the four archetypes which is common to all humanity; the other three being "Victim", "Prostitute", and "Child". Everyone on the planet has all four, so everyone has a Saboteur archetype which means we are all capable of sabotaging ourselves and others. All archetypes are neutral energies until we engage their patterning, then we have the choice of whether we choose to engage their "Shadow" (negative) or their"Light" (positive) aspect.

One could easily imagine the Saboteur would only have a Shadow aspect. After all, what Light aspect could possibly come from a Saboteur? The answer may surprise you. Your Saboteur archetype is actually your Guardian of Choice. It is through our Saboteur that we choose to make changes in our lives and choose to empower ourselves and others.....or sabotage ourselves and others.

You see, everything we do we choose to do. Now, some will say "I have no choice, I have to do..." yet the truth is, they could choose something different. They rather choose to be dis-empowered and without choice, than to choose to change and become empowered. Which leads us into the reason we often sabotage ourselves and others: "We fear empowerment and the change it would bring into our lives".

For some reason, a lot people naturally assume that by becoming empowered and choosing change in one (or many) areas of their lives means the other areas of their lives will crumble. It's a little hard to wrap your mind around the connection between how improving one aspect of your life will automatically destroy another aspect. Why would it? If you are improving something, the ripple effect through your life would be positive, so rather than destroying what is already good in your life, it would in fact, enhance it.

So how and why do we sabotage those we love? It's also out of fear - usually the fear of being abandoned. So while on one hand we want our loved one to succeed, on the other we fear that if they do, they will leave us and we will be left alone. It's this fear that makes us unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) undermine them; usually in what we perceive as small inconsequential ways.

Comments like:

"you can break your diet for one day and have dessert with me."
"I know you're trying to quit smoking, but just come outside with me and keep me company"
"take a break from studying and watch this movie with me"
"skip the gym today, you can go tomorrow and stay longer to make up for it"
"one drink won't hurt you"

While the above are seemingly harmless, the truth is, they are all ways in which we sabotage others. There are hundreds of other ways we sabotage those we love, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually in order to maintain the status quo and ensure they stay with us. What we need to do is recognize what triggers us into doing this and instead of acting on the trigger, choose to be supportive instead.

In essence, it's about empowering ourselves and being secure enough in who we are to allow others to be who they are, without the fear of being abandoned. Some days we will succeed brilliantly at this, other days may prove to be more challenging; yet the opportunity is always there to choose the Light aspect of your Saboteur and empower yourself and others along the way.

Interested in learning about your Archetypes? Check out: The Soul's Alchemy

What Memories Are You Creating?

2011-08-01T13:42:00.000-04:00

It always amazes me the stories and memories that get shared when someone passes away. How everyone remembers the person differently and all the stories add different dimensions and depth to the person, often giving us new insight and perspective on someone we thought we knew well, yet didn't know as well as we thought.

The death of a loved one reminds us how many lives we touch, how others see us, and more importantly, what memories we give others by being part of their lives. As much as it is a time of mourning the loss of someone we love, it is also a time to share in the joy they had brought to our life though sharing our favorite and usually funniest memories of them.

When you think about your life thus far, what do you want your loved ones to remember about you? Are you merely passing time or creating memories? People have a tendency to get so caught up in rushing through life that they seem to forget to live life. To savour and truly experience the moments they share with others; to create lasting memories. To appreciate those times where the laughter literally brings tears to the eyes; the joys that mark the happiest of occasions, and even through the tears of sadness the ability to remember and share the moments that have touched them.

It seems a little sad the best stories are shared only after a person has passed. It makes me wonder if people really know how much they impact the lives of those around them; how much they are loved, appreciated, looked up to and admired. We like to believe those we care about know how we feel, but really, wouldn't it be so much better for them and for us, to actually tell them, now, while they are still with us rather than waiting until they have left this world?

So, to the women in my life let me say this "you inspire me with your knowledge, courage, caring, compassion and I am blessed by knowing you and sharing so many memories with you". To the men in my life who tend to be men of few words and big hearts I say "thank you for your strength, wisdom, patience, goodness and for showing me by example what it means to be a 'good man'; all of you are a blessing in my life. "

My life is filled with wonderful people - family, friends who are like family, so many great memories and so much laughter that I can only say I love you all and look forward to many many more years of creating lasting memories.

Create memories ~ they are the gift that keeps on giving.

Blessings.

Where Do I Go From Here?

2011-06-28T16:12:00.001-04:00

Einstein once said, "You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created the problem". In other words, whatever your problem is, you need to think in a completely different way in order to find a solution to it. Wise words, yet how does one 'think differently' in order to find a solution?

We've all been there at some point in our life. That place where we look around and think "I'm stuck", "this isn't working", "nothing's changing" and we wonder where do we go from here?

In our minds we have tried everything, done everything we could think of to shift things, to change what isn't working in our lives, yet our problem persists. What more could we possibly do? What haven't we tried? We feel lost and a sense of hopelessness begins to invade our senses, followed by thoughts of "it's always going to be like this....nothing will ever change". It's here where we feel trapped, stuck and bewildered that no matter what we try, it doesn't change our situation.

This is what Einstein was referring to. This is the pattern where we are using the same mind that created the problem to find the solution and of course, that won't work. Solution is found when we are able to look objectively at our "problem", step out of the emotion of it and see it through different eyes. If it was someone else's problem, what advice would we offer? What resources (people, things, places) are needed? Have we asked for help? Have we honestly listened to the advice/suggestions of others or have we dismissed their ideas because we don't want to do what they suggest, not because it's not a good idea, but because it's not what we want to do?

When we are stuck, really stuck, all we can see is our problem. Like the saying 'You can't see the forest for the trees' we become so focused on the problem that everywhere we look it is all we see. One cannot see the big picture if one's attention is focused solely on a single detail. We need to be able to break our focus on our problem (the detail) and look at the bigger picture, to become open to other sources of information, assistance, wisdom. To be able to say "I'll do whatever it takes" and mean it instead of saying "I'll do anything...but not that!"

Often it is the thing we don't want to do which is the one thing we need to do in order to move from problem into solution. When we resist what we know is needed, then the result is the problem persists.

What limiting decisions or limiting beliefs are you holding on to that stop you from seeing and thinking about the problem differently? Are past experiences and patterns playing a role in this problem? Perhaps it's time to consider finding someone to help you change your thinking, clean up your past and release those old patterns of behaviour that are sabotaging you rather than serving you.

In order to find solution, you must first think differently; and while some people are able to do this on their own, the majority need someone to help them. Invest your time, money and energy and find someone who will guide you through the process so you can finally breakthrough the problem, find solution, and transform your life.

Personal Transformation

Will You Surrender?

2011-06-13T16:17:00.004-04:00

I must admit I never watched an episode of Oprah, though I do admire what she has done and created during her TV career; the inspiration she has provided as well as the opportunities she created for others along the way. That being said, I will say I recently watched a video clip in which Oprah talks about "surrendering" and surrendering is something I had to learn to do over the past few years.

There is a point in the video clip where Oprah says "When you've worked as hard and done as much and striven and tried and given, and plead and bargained and hoped...Surrender. When you have done all that you can do and there is nothing left for you to do; give it up, give it up to that thing that is greater than yourself."

Powerful words and yet, to actually be able to Surrender takes courage and leap of faith. It means letting go
Read more »

Me, Myself & I

2011-05-26T13:59:00.000-04:00

I'm curious, how do you think about yourself? Not the you that you project to the world, the you that you keep hidden from those around you; the you others sometimes get glimpses of but don't really know? While we may believe we do a good job in compartmentalizing our lives and our many roles within our lives, the truth is "who we are" always shines through even though we may think we've hidden certain aspects away.

It's always interesting to hear how much people reveal through their choice of words; how their unconscious pokes through and reveals aspects of the person without the individual being aware of it. This seems especially true when it come to talking about themselves, their hopes and dreams, and their goals.

There are a lot of different ways in which a person can unconsciously reveal their beliefs, especially about themselves and for the most part what is exposed is either their self-confidence and self-esteem or their lack of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.

For example, who hasn't heard a woman say "I'm just a stay at home mom"? As if choosing to raise your child(ren) yourself rather than putting them in the care of others makes you less worthy, less valuable, less important than those who have jobs outside the home. I am by no means bashing those women who choose to, or have to work outside the home, for they often struggle with esteem issues around being a good mom because they work and are not spending more time with their child(ren). It really can be a damned if you do and damned if you don't scenario; yet the common pattern for both is one of self-esteem and self-worth and self-judgment.

The phrases change yet they show the underlying pattern. What does "They won't listen to me, I'm not management" really tell you about the speaker? They have already decided they are not worth listening to; not because they don't hold a management position, but because they don't believe they are worth being heard. Somehow, somewhere, they started to believe they are less worthy, their ideas or comments are not as important or valid as someone who holds a higher position within the company; and frankly, that's not true.

Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth issues are issues most people struggle with in some area of their lives. They are often developed from an early age: "Bobby, why can't you be more like your brother", "Susy's not as popular as Jane, but she's smart"; while the intention was never to damage a child's self-esteem, in many cases it's meant to encourage or even compliment, children often take it as "you're not as good as..." or "you don't measure up". So as children we take it to heart and each time we believe we fall short, we unconsciously re-confirm the belief that we are just not good enough. Then, there will come a point where we just believe it to be true and once that has occurred, a 'limiting belief' has been created which impacts our life every step of the way. It becomes the gauge by which we make our decisions and if we are holding a limiting belief about our own worth, then it's likely we sabotage ourselves; because limiting beliefs create the pattern within you at the unconscious level that allows you 'to be right'. So if you apply for a job, yet you really don't believe you're good enough for it, or that you're not worth the high salary, there's a fairly high chance you will somehow blow the interview which of course reinforces the belief that you're not good enough.

The 'self' aspect of us, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, self-respect are the core of us. The way we think of ourself is what we project to the world, even when we think we are hiding our fears of 'not being good enough'. It comes out in our words and in our actions. Choosing to examine what limiting beliefs you hold about yourself, your work, your life as a whole is the first step; releasing them and creating supportive healthy beliefs is the second. Once you free yourself from your past, you are free to design your present and your future.

Timeline Therapy is a fabulous quantum modality for releasing the past and creating the future. It's fast, highly effective, and does not require you to re-live your experiences. When you're ready to free yourself from your past, look into booking some sessions; Timeline Therapy or a Personal Transformation

When You Know That You Know

2011-05-07T12:00:00.001-04:00

Our intuition nudges us constantly, whispers to us, shows us clues, and even gives us a gut reaction, yet so many people are seemingly unaware of this guidance or they choose to ignore it.

Perhaps part of the reason is they are so focused on their external world that they have tuned out their internal world. We have so much to distract us in our daily lives that we are seldom alone with our thoughts. In fact, there are those who go to great lengths to ensure they are never alone with their thoughts. Instead, they fill every waking moment with distraction: cell phones, the internet, TV, iPods, radio. There is always something
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Living A Multi-Dimensional Life

2011-04-19T12:55:00.002-04:00

I have literally spent decades studying the mind, body, spirit connections as well as esothetic and religious/spiritual subjects. As you can imagine, I have learned a lot, experienced a lot and now I teach others how to live life multi-dimensionally. Living life multi-dimensionally means looking at life through all aspects of life, not just our physical reality. It encompasses a lot of different elements, things like: understanding how words influence actions and physical, emotional and spiritual well-being; learning to see interactions with others through the lens of detachment rather than getting caught up in the drama; seeing opportunity rather than loss; forgiveness as a way to freedom; abundance as way of living rather than an accumulation of 'things'. Opening minds and hearts to the wisdom spirit holds; the potential to be what each dreams of being and bringing that into reality. It's pretty heady stuff I must admit; and it takes commitment and work to live life this
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A Leap of Faith

2011-03-30T22:38:00.002-04:00

Often we have to take a leap of faith to reach our goals and dreams.

The challenge is of course, actually leaping.

So here I am, at the edge, contemplating making the leap of faith. There are a myriad of thoughts and voices in my head, something I believe most people experience when they're about to make the leap. The doubts, the concerns, the voices of family and friends questioning your choice. Are they right? Am I right? Is it the right thing to do? Is the timing right? Have I done all I need to do to make this work? Am I ready? Lots of questions and the answers vary depending on my mood and confidence level.

This is why it's a leap of faith. There is really no way of knowing what the outcome will be, only that in order to find out I must DO something NOW; I must take the leap and see where I land.

There is an element of courage, of calculated risk, and of course of faith required in every leap of faith regardless of what the leap is. Holding the intention that the leap will bring us closer to our goals and dreams,
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A Song In My Heart....

2011-03-27T13:00:00.003-04:00

Actually, a bunch of songs on my iPod.

After literally years of having only lectures on my iPod, I finally have gotten to the point where I have actually downloaded music from iTunes and have something to listen to that doesn't involve taking notes. I never realized how much I have missed listening to music until now.

Growing up there was always music in the house. Mom was a singer, my siblings and I took piano lessons for years, so most of the time, someone was practicing something. In those rare times when it wasn't one of us creating the music, then there was a radio on which usually prompted the "WHAT are you listening to?!!"
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Bucket List

2011-03-08T21:19:00.004-05:00

I'm curious, do you have a Bucket List (BL)? I don't.

There's just something about it that strikes me as a bad idea, energetically speaking. Perhaps it's just the way I think or the perspective I have on the whole vibrational resonance it carries. To me (and perhaps only me) it is almost like tempting Fate.

Yes, I know, we're all going to kick the bucket at some point, whether we have a list or not. Yet, if you consider how most people speak about their bucket list, doesn't it make you wonder, just a little about the energetic vibration such a list carries?

How do most people speak about their Bucket List? What I usually hear is "it's the stuff I want to do before I die". There's a couple of things that bother me about that statement.

First, it's "WANT to do" not " am doing". So basically, a wish, a dream but not a goal. In other words, there's no real commitment to achieving it. It's like saying "It would be nice if it happened, but I'm not counting on it".

The other aspect is "Before I Die". Really? Have you really made the threat of Death your motivation to dream about doing things on your Bucket List? Does it not strike you as a little incongruent to connect Death with the things that are supposed to be thrilling, exciting, happy adventures? Seriously, how effective has the
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Know Your Team

2011-03-01T12:12:00.000-05:00

Nope, we're not talking sports teams, we're talking Archetype Team.

The concept of Archetypes has been around since the time of Plato. Swiss psychologist Carl Jung expanded on them and brought them into the realm of modern consciousness. While each archetype is a generic version of a personality, they become personalized when they become part of your psyche.

Just for fun, think about the many faces and roles you play throughout the day. Who are you to your family? To your boss? Who do you see the in the mirror?

Based on the work of Caroline Myss, the belief is we each have a number of archetypes within our psyche which help to shape who we are in this lifetime. When we become conscious of the roles and patterns they create within our lives, we are then able to gain a better understanding of ourselves and our place and work in the world.

What if, just for fun, you look at four key Archetypes, the four which everyone on the planet has, just to see how and where they appear in your daily life and what form they take. Would you be curious enough and honest enough to really explore these aspects of yourself through the symbolism and patterns in your life? Would you be willing to put yourself under the microscope if what you discovered would give you new insight into who you are and your highest potential in this lifetime? Would you really like to understand why some things seem to recur in your life and what you could do to change that? To hold within you the feeling of knowing yourself at a deeper level and using that knowledge to live a more fulfilling life? Then read on and actively experience with new awareness, these key archetypes in your life.

Keep in mind that archetypes are merely the psychological patterns we hold within our unconscious mind; they do not control us, we consciously or unconsciously access these patterns based on the circumstances we are experiencing. They are neutral in nature, it is how we choose to access the behavioural patterns they represent that determines if we are choosing their Light aspect or their Shadow aspect. Our choice is reflected in the interactions, relationships and choices we make throughout our lives.

Consider the key 4 archetypes that we all have:

The Saboteur
The Victim
The Prostitute
The Child

Just reading their names is likely to resonate with you. You know them for they are all aspects of you along with as eight other archetypes (based on the work of Caroline Myss, it is believed we each have a total of 12 archetypes which make up our core team). Of the twelve archetypes, these four are likely the ones we are most conscious of, simply because we all have them.

The Saboteur

When we are behaving from the Shadow aspect of The Saboteur, our intention is to sabotage, either consciously or unconsciously, ourselves and/or others. Whether we are sabotaging our relationships, our health, our career or any other part of our life we need to look no further than the Shadow Saboteur archetype. Who hasn't had a moment in their life when they said "I KNEW I shouldn't have done/said.....but I did anyway and everything fell apart." We knew we shouldn't do it, yet we did, knowing full well the outcome would not be what we wanted.

Behaving from the Light aspect of The Saboteur, we learn when we are in situations where we run the risk of sabotaging ourselves or others. From this aspect we gain understanding and insight into our actions, giving us the opportunity to look more closely at our true intentions and what triggers us to sabotage ourselves or others. Being able to see the pattern and be conscious of it then gives us the opportunity to change it. It is our Guardian of Choice.

The Victim
How well we know this one! Whether we are 'playing the victim' to gain sympathy, attention or some other emotional or material gain, the Shadow Victim is front and center. It is so easy to slip into the Shadow aspect of the Victim and some people practically live in it, bemoaning how much worse things are in their life, how much harder things are for them, etc. From the Shadow, The Victim is powerless and has no choice; they cannot do anything to change their circumstances.

The Light aspect of The Victim is where we learn to stand our ground and not allow others to victimize us. It is also where we learn how we have been victimizing others and choosing to stop doing so. We recognize choice is always available to us and we have within us the power to take action and control in our own lives rather than passively allowing others to tell us how to live. It is our Guardian of Self-Esteem.

The Prostitute
Likely the most misunderstood of the four, The Prostitute shows us 'what we are willing to sell and for what'. The Shadow Prostitute "sells out" for what matters most to the individual. Becoming a yes-man to get ahead in the company, is selling out your integrity for a promotion. Staying in a broken relationship because of the material benefits, is selling out your happiness for material comfort. The saying: "Everyone has their price" refers to the Shadow Prostitute within us.

The Light Prostitute helps us recognize when we are at risk of selling out, in essence, it reveals to us what our price really is by uncovering the situations/events in our life which make us feel like we are willing to sell our soul for and teaching us we do not have to sell out. It is our Guardian of Faith.

The Child -
There are many forms of the Child archetype, however everyone only has one child archetype.

Those with an Eternal Child archetype are people who remain young no matter how old they are.
The Shadow aspect manifests as the inability to accept responsibility and grow up.

Those with a Nature Child archetype are people who have always had an affinity to animals and nature as a whole.
The Shadow aspect manifests as a tendency to abuse nature and the environment.

Those with an Orphan Child archetype are people who feel they never fit in or never belonged.
The Light aspect allows the Orphan Child to develop independence from a very young age.
The Shadow aspect creates the need to find a way to fit in rather than moving on.

Those with a Magical Child archetype are people who hold the belief that anything is possible; miracles happen.
The Shadow aspect manifests as pessimism and the belief that energy and action are not required in life.

Those with a Divine Child archetype are people with a special union with the Divine. Their faith is their anchor in life.
The Shadow aspect manifests as an inability to deal with negative forces/events in life.

Those with a Wounded Child archetype are people who were abused or traumatized as children and are able to overcome their early life experiences and use those experiences to help others.
The Shadow aspect manifests as self-pity, blame and resistance to moving into forgiveness making their experience their reason for their inability to live life.

Your child archetype is your Guardian of Innocence.

The beauty of archetypes is that they are neutral, giving us the choice of how we are going to respond to any given situation or event, allowing us to create change when we recognize the need to change, the flexibility of moving from the Shadow to the Light, and the deeper understanding of the symbolism and patterns in our lives. As we gain awareness of archetypal patterns and energies we gain new knowledge of ourselves, our interactions with others, our weaknesses, our strengths, and our greatest potential.

Know thy self is the first step towards understanding others.

Blessings.

What?...Oh Yeah, That's Right...

2011-01-31T16:01:00.000-05:00

A strange thing happened the other day, I was introduced to someone by a colleague, and the introduction went something like this: "This is Bren, she's a Transformational Guide who helps people make changes in their lives... and she's a published author."

It caught me by surprise. A published author?...wait, that's right, I have been published; more than once in fact. However, it was strange to be referred to as a published author because I don't necessarily think of myself that way.

This event caused me to take a look back, actually a long look back to just over a decade ago, when I first started working with a coach. I was still in a corporate career back then and the company had decided bringing in coaches to work with various departments and individuals would help improve the overall workings of the company. So I ended up working with two different coaches. One worked with our department as a team, the other, I worked with one-on-one. I won't discuss how the team coaching went, but I will share my personal coaching experience.

One of the first things I needed to figure out about my coach was if our coaching sessions were really private. I wanted to ensure that what we worked on and discussed wasn't going to go back to my Director or my Vice President. So I will admit I tested him out and the work we did together stayed very corporate and did not venture into the personal realm at all. Then once I was certain our conversations and work were indeed private, things quickly changed.

I startled him one day by announcing that I had a couple of goals I wanted to work on with him that had little to do with my corporate job. The first was to get published; the second was to get out of the corporate job I was in and have my own business within five years. Needless to say, he was a little surprised, but to his credit and ability, he agreed to help me attain both and assured me no one would know of my plans to leave.

It was at this point in my life, this goal, that started me down the path to being a published author. I have always enjoyed writing, however I wasn't sure people would enjoy reading what I wrote, so I never submitted my writing to magazines or publishers or even blog posts. The most I ever wrote was a monthly newsletter for a professional organization. To be honest, I'm still not all that sure people enjoy what I write, the only difference now is, I write it and post it and then hope it resonates with those who choose to read it.

An amazing thing happened as I worked with my coach on my goal to being published. I was attending a meeting one night and met the editor of a woman's business magazine. We chatted for a bit and then we were joined by another colleague who told the editor that I was a writer; I was stunned, did my colleague actually say that to an editor? What was she thinking? The editor turned to me and asked one question "Are you any good?"

How exactly was I supposed to answer that? My response was "I think I am".

The editor looked at me and replied, "Well then, write an article, send it to me and if it's any good, I'll publish it."

In my next coaching session I relayed the experience to my coach who was thrilled for me. I on the other hand was a little nauseous, kind of queasy and yes, a little scared. Back then I didn't realize you should feel this way when you are close to accomplishing a big goal; and all your goals should be big. A goal is supposed to be achievable yet also a stretch, something big, challenging, exciting, so it thrills you when you accomplish it.

My coach pushed me to write the article. He became that voice in my head; yes, I will say that 'nagging voice in my head' that reminded me I already had an editor waiting to read my work; I didn't need to knock on doors and ask to be considered, I had someone waiting, all I had to do was write. So with great trepidation I contacted the editor and asked how long of an article and if there was a particular topic she wanted me to cover. She gave me an overview of the type of article and indicated it needed to be approximately 1,200 words; it was going to be a two page article.

I couldn't believe she wanted a two page article from me. Now I will admit I panicked. I had said I wanted to be published and yet in my mind I had thought of this goal as a long term goal; something that would take me, oh a year or two to accomplish, yet it had only been a month since I originally announced the goal to my coach and already I had an editor waiting to read my work. Granted it didn't guarantee it would be published, but the speed at which this goal was manifesting was astounding. I sat down and wrote the article. Then I re-wrote it. Then I left it for a few days and re-read it; then edited it. It was finished, but I hesitated over sending it in. It sat as an attachment in a draft email on my computer for days.

My coach worked with several staff members in my company so I would see him not just during our meetings but also in the halls of my office. Each time he would say "Have you sent it?" and I would shake my head no. Finally he showed up at my desk one day and said "Send it now, while I'm here." There really wasn't a reason not to send it, other than I was afraid the editor would hate it. So with my coach standing beside me, I sent it and waited.

It seemed like forever before I got a reply. In reality it was probably about a week, but anyone who has ever waited for an answer knows how you can torture yourself with self-talk. "She hates it", "I should have rewritten it", "I should have taken a different perspective", all kinds of thoughts filled my head. My coach's response was simple and straight-forward "wait for an answer".

Finally, I got a response. She liked the article, in fact she was going to publish the entire article in an upcoming edition without additional editing; it would be printed. My coach was impressed and pointed out that it's not often that the first piece of work a writer writes actually gets published let alone published without revisions or editing. Part of me was overjoyed with what I had accomplished, the other part of me couldn't believe I achieved this goal in only four months. It didn't take the two years I expected; it came together as if by magic. Once I had committed myself to the goal, the pieces came together, things aligned because I was aligned and clear on what it was I wanted. It seemed simple, almost too simple and I really couldn't believe it until I actually had the magazine in hand and saw the two page article with my name on it.

Since then I have co-authored the book, Dying To Live Well, with Renate Weiler, Kim Redman, and Deborah Johnson. I write a monthly newsletter along with this blog, and I have written a deck of inspirational cards which I plan on having published. So, yes, I am published author.

As for the other goal, the one about being out of a corporate job within five years, that happened as well. I was conveniently downsized, given a severance package, and I stepped out the corporate door and into the life I live now as a Transformational Guide.

Some times it takes hearing it from someone else to remind us of our accomplishments. The goals we set in the past and accomplish, then pave the way for how we choose to live our life and the goals we set in future. My journey out of a corporate job and into a profession I love started with having a coach, creating a plan and setting goals. Along the way I have become an author, a Master Practitioner, a Transformational Guide, and a coach. I live my passion and assist and guide my clients so they are able to live their passion as well.

The Journey

2011-01-20T13:13:00.000-05:00

I love my work; I love what I do.

There is a certain yet indescribable joy in witnessing a client's journey through the process of transformation; a journey they willingly embarked on, a journey they are committed to take and to see through to their destination ~ their goal.

Clients come to me for a variety of reasons, family, relationships, career, personal development, etc. Regardless of the reason, they all seek the same thing: "Change". They want to change something somewhere in their life in order to make their life better; to get them 'on track'; to get them aligned and congruent with how they want to live their life. In other words, they want to live a fuller, happier life than they are currently living and they are looking for someone to assist them in making their goal a reality and they ready to do whatever it takes to achieve it.

My job is to guide them on their journey. Their commitment to taking the journey means they will be doing the work. Each client is responsible for creating the changes in their life they seek; my responsibility is to guide them through the process, to give them the tools, information, strategies and support they need to succeed. I commit to assisting them when they commit fully to the work and the goal. I firmly believe each and every one of my clients can achieve whatever they set out to accomplish when they are willing to do whatever it takes to get them there.

As we journey the path of transformation together, I get to witness first hand how they progress. I see the change in their facial expressions and body language, the changes in the tone of their voice and their words, I share in the excitement of how the change they seek is beginning to manifest in their lives and I get to be part of their celebration as they achieve their goal. I am a witness to their potential and to their success; and without a doubt it is both an honour and a joy for me to be part of their success.

The funny thing is, they often joyfully say "You changed my life!" Yet, the truth is, they changed their own life; I merely journeyed and guided them along the way; they chose to make the journey and by doing so, they empowered themselves and achieved their goals.

Guiding individuals through change and transformation and into empowerment. That's what I do... and I love it!

Blessings

What's Your Priority?

2011-01-04T08:57:00.001-05:00

It's amazing how many people have a long list of priorities, yet they are not on their own list.

While it's admirable to put the needs of others first, the reality is, in order to be able to continue to meet the needs of others, one needs to have their own needs met first. In other words, a person cannot continually care for others without caring for themselves, yet so many people continue to try to do just that and the end result is usually exhaustion, resentment, and often illness.

Ask yourself this question "Am I at the top of my priority list?" and if the answer is "no" then ask "Am I even ON my priority list?" and if the answer is still "no" then it may be time to reconsider your priorities.

For some reason society seems to equate taking time for ourselves with being selfish. When did taking time for our own well-being become an act of selfishness? When did getting enough exercise and rest, eating well and taking care of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical states, enjoying time with family and friends become selfish? Why have we put the well-being and care of everyone else (our husbands/wives, parents/children, friends/colleagues, career) above our own? Why are their needs/demands more important to us than our own well-being and are we really prepared to pay the price that is attached to this belief?

We have become a society that is always rushed, stressed, exhausted and frankly over-medicated. Ulcers, sleepless nights, acid reflux, aches, pains, migraines, and no time to do what's necessary for our well-being, but just enough time to take a pill to treat the symptom but not the cause because it would be selfish to say: I need to go to the gym or to yoga, or I need a break so I'm going out for coffee with friends or to a movie, or for a walk, or any other thing that would give you time for yourself to regroup and gain a sense of well-being and rejuvenation.

Your own well-being should be a priority for you. When you feel well, you are able to do more: for yourself, for your family, for others you have made commitments to. Taking time for yourself, in whatever form gives you that sense of well-being, rejuvenation and relaxation is a necessity to living life fully. Put yourself on the top of your priority list and you will be amazed by how taking care of you will make it easier to continue to meet and take care of all the other priorities. Think about it, even the airlines tell us "Put your oxygen mask on first, then assist others". They know you have to take care of you first in order to be of help to others.

As the saying goes "You don't know how important good health is until you don't have it".

It's a whole lot easier to maintain good health than it is to regain good health.

It's a new year, a new beginning and a good time to review and update your priorities. Make sure you are at the top of your own list.

Blessings,

Christmas Favorites

2010-12-01T11:06:00.001-05:00

I love Christmas. I admit it, I really do love everything about it; the noise, the people in the shopping malls, the shopping, the music, gifts, the wrapping, the ribbon, the cards, the chaos in the parking lots (OK, maybe I don't love the parking lot chaos, but it does make me laugh), the baking, the decorating inside and outside the house, all of it just makes me happy.

There are a few highlights to the Christmas holidays that I just love best of all, and because the holidays are about sharing, I'm going to share my favorite holiday traditions and memories.

Christmas stuff
You know those crazy singing reindeer? or the Santa doing push ups while the theme from Rocky plays? or the Santa swaying in a hammock while 'it's 5 o'clock somewhere' plays? I'm the person who pushes the play button on all those things in the store just to see what they do. They make me giggle and smile and the temptation is just too much ~ I have to press "play" every time.

Christmas Baking
Christmas baking was always a special time in our house. Growing up, I helped my grandmother do the Christmas baking each year. It was always something we did together and when she passed away, I continued to bake the Christmas treats Gran always made. In recent years, my niece has joined in by coming over to help me bake. We laugh and giggle and on more than one occasion there has been cookie dough or icing on the ceiling and no, I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but I can guarantee it was because we were having fun together.

Wrapping & Ribbons
There's just something wonderful about brightly wrapped gifts tied up with ribbon and placed under I tree. I love the way they reflect the twinkling lights, the array of coloured paper, the way the ribbon curls. Gift bags just don't do it; there has to be paper and especially ribbon, lots of ribbon tied and curled. According to family and friends, gifts from me are harder to get into than Fort Knox.

Christmas memories
These are the best part of Christmas and I've been blessed with many years of happy memories and some pretty funny Christmas stories over the years, two of my favorites are Slinky and the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.

When I was about 4 years old, I wanted a Slinky and Christmas morning I was overjoyed to find Santa had given me one, along with a beautiful red tricycle. It was awesome, at least for the first hour or so, until my big brother took my new Slinky and twisted it into the spokes of my tricycle. My parents tried to get it untangled but sadly the only way that Slinky was coming out of those spokes was by cutting it out with wire cutters. I was heartbroken. Strangely, my parents never thought to get me a new Slinky, probably because they figured my brother would find something to twist it into. It was one of those Christmas stories that in later years we would retell and laugh about; if you had celebrated Christmas with us once, odds are you knew the Christmas Slinky story.

Then one Christmas about 12 years ago, when my sis was dating the guy she would eventually marry, he gave me an Executive Slinky for Christmas. As silly as it may sound, it was one of my favorite gifts that year and yes, I still have it and every time I see it I smile and yep, I do play with it now and then.

Then there's our family's version of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I'm sure most people have seen the Peanuts Christmas classic cartoon where Charlie Brown goes out and buys a Christmas tree that looks pretty much like a little twig with a few pine needles on it. Well, my story doesn't start quite like that. Instead, my story involves my younger sister, who at the time was in her late teens or early twenties. She decided she was going to get a Christmas tree for our livingroom downstairs so we could have two trees in the house. So, she and a friend went out to pick the perfect tree. Now, anyone who has shopped for the perfect tree knows, the better the tree, the higher the cost. Sis had a limited budget, but she was young, cute and a great negotiator. So with a little negotiating, flirting and flattery she managed to come home with a beautiful huge tree that should have cost her at least twice what she paid. Now, this tree was literally too tall for our livingroom, so dad pulled out a saw to just cut a little off the bottom. Well, while dad was great at many things, cutting straight was not one of them, so he cut it and the tree leaned to the left, so he cut it again and it leaned to the right which required another cut and another and another. Yes, the Christmas tree started off as a 7 ft. tree had been reduced to about 4 ft. by the time he got it straight. Sis's beautiful tree became known as our Charlie Brown Christmas tree because it had to be placed on a small wooden box (which I wrapped up like a gift), and the box with the tree on top were placed on a small coffee table. While sis would bemoan the fact that it's now a little tree, dad would simply point out that at least it was straight one.

Celebrating Christmas in our house is a time of love and laughter, sharing memories and making new ones.

Our house is always full at Christmas with family and friends. There has always been a steady flow of people through our home Christmas day. Dad's friends would stop in first thing in the morning to wish us a Merry Christmas, then mom's family would arrive and stay for lunch, members of dad's family who lived nearby would join us in the afternoon and stay for dinner, and there has always been an array of friends, my brother's friends, my sister's friends, my friends, anyone who couldn't make it home for Christmas or who didn't have family to go home to joined us. There is always room for one more, especially since we use a ping-pong table as a dining room table to make sure everyone has a place at our table. There is always more than enough food, fun, laugh and love to share, and really, isn't that the true meaning of Christmas?

May your holiday celebrations be filled with the love and peace, joy and laughter, that the season is meant to celebrate.

Blessings

Talking To Myself

2010-11-22T20:10:00.008-05:00

I am sometimes asked how I choose the topic or theme of my newsletter and blog. To be honest, most of the time it chooses me by appearing in my life as a pattern being experienced by those around me which, in turn, means I am experiencing on some level as well. If we are all experiencing the same thing in various forms, then it's likely we can all benefit from looking at the pattern from a different perspective which may mean seeing how someone else is dealing with it (or not dealing with it) and then examining our own actions or inaction.

Writing gives me an opportunity to ponder aloud about the issues, triggers, and patterns which appear to me and allows me to share my thoughts on them. When I'm writing there are times when it feels a lot like I am talking to myself. The voice that appears as words on the screen is the voice in my head. The voice that asks the questions and seeks answers. Questions like "What is the pattern here?", "Where are you experiencing this in your own life?", "What's the bigger picture/message?", "How, where and when does this pattern play out?" "Is this something a lot of people are experiencing now?" There's always lots of questions and there are times when there appears to be far more questions than answers.

Since I tend to be a very visual person, I will admit I don't always listen to the voice in my head.I actually need to see what it's been saying and the only way to do that is to write it down. I figure if it's something that I'm working on, pondering, or thinking about, or a common issue my clients are dealing with, it may be something others can relate to and if, by my sharing it, I have helped them in some way, then it's worth sitting down and writing about. I write a lot. Some of it gets posted here; some of it is still sitting in draft mode, to be shared at a later date or rewritten or perhaps not shared at all. At the moment I have 5 draft blog posts, will you ever see them? Who knows, maybe...or maybe not. Like everything in life, writing is a process in which one creates, changes, completes and then begins anew.

People tend to believe that I don't have challenges in my life simply because my work is based on transforming what doesn't work in one's life into something that does work. However, the truth is, no one is exempt and we're done when we're dead and since I am very much alive, I too encounter life challenges from time to time. The advantage I have, if you want to call it that, is a set of personal development tools and skills and a process which gets me out of what's not working in my life and into what will work.

These tools and skills along with the knowledge and belief that everyone, yes everyone, can succeed in creating the changes they desire (if they are willing to commit to the process of change) is how I am able to guide my clients through their process, to get them out of the Problem (whatever the issue is) and into Solution so they are able to move past the challenges and reach their goals easier than ever before.

While I hope what I write is relevant, I no longer wonder about who is reading it. I have come to realize my writing is part of my process, it helps me take the next step in my work and in my life, whatever that step may be and wherever that step may lead me. If writing the thoughts from the voice in my head resonates with my readers and gives them a laugh, a smile, some insight, a new perspective, a glimmer of hope, or inspires them to take action towards committing to the change they desire, then I feel I have made a difference in their world. For me, my work is all about guiding people in a way that empowers them in their life and in the world around them. I strive to accomplish this through my writing, my work, my day to day life, my conversations with others and with each and every person I work with and that is my commitment to the process of change in my world and the world around me.

Yes, there are times when I feel like I'm talking to myself, yet I know those who need to hear (or see) the message will; at least that's what the voice in my head tells me and it's never wrong.

Blessings

Change of Season - Change of Perspective

2010-10-05T12:31:00.000-04:00

I took a trip to Ottawa over the weekend to visit a friend. I was fortunate because the weather was fabulous and Autumn in Ontario can be spectacular if the leaves aren't blown off the trees early in the season. It was a beautiful drive, traffic was good and most of the construction seems to be winding down so I made good time.

Travelling always gives me some time to 'check in' with how I'm feeling on all levels and where I am in relation to what I had planned to accomplish by this point in the year. Since most of my friends live at least an hour away from me, I spend a fair amount of time travelling which in turn, gives me many opportunities over the year to 'check in'.

On this particular trip though I found that I was on track for a number of work related projects which I'm happy about and I'm 'off track' where my personal life is concerned; more specifically, I really hadn't had a lot of fun this year and the year is quickly drawing to a close. How did this happen? Why did it happen? and the most important question is "What can I do to change it NOW".

As I continued my drive, noticing the rolling hills and the array of autumn colours everywhere, I thought about my Goals for 2010 and I Goals I have mapped out for 2011 and it dawned on me that I had only created Goals for my work/career, I had not written any Goals around my personal life or the fun things I would like to do. It may seem strange to some people that someone would need to write goals for Fun, yet if you think about it, it really makes perfect sense. If fun to you is a tropical vacation in the dead of winter, then odds are, early in the year you began making plans around your winter escape. You probably considered when exactly you'd like to go and where. You then created a savings strategy so you could put money aside to pay for the trip and any extras you would need. So in effect, your vacation was the Goal you set and then you developed a strategy/plan to get you there. I had somehow forgotten to create Goals that would be fun, so all my travel this year has been for work and though I had talked about travelling for fun, I never set a date or made plans. While I always encourage my clients to create goals that are both career related and fun, I had somehow managed to overlook it in my own plans.

Often we need a change of scene, to see, hear and experience things in order to gain a new perspective on where we really are in relation to our goals; to figure out what's working, what's not, and as I found out, what's missing.

Fortunately, it's never too late to create a new goal, so I'm making sure I have fun goals set for the remainder of 2010 and I have updated my Goals for 2011 to include travel for pleasure and fun as well as travel for work. Life is all about finding the happy balance between work life and living life.

Silence Is Golden....Or Is It?

2010-09-02T15:31:00.001-04:00

Silence is golden, assuming of course the silence is one of peace and tranquility and not one imposed by "The Silent Treatment" (TST).   I'm sure everyone has been on both the giving and receiving end of The Silent Treatment at least once in their lives and it's certainly not a golden silence by any stretch of the imagination.

In our minds we believe we have a good reason for giving someone the silent treatment and feel justified in our behaviour. Some of the top reasons are: "I don't want to fight about X", "I don't want to say something I'll regret", "They don't understand why I'm...(hurt, angry, upset, whatever)", "They weren't listening to me".  We can all come up with some great 'reasons', except the reasons are really just an excuse to punish/control/manipulate/hurt the other person often because we feel they have hurt or betrayed us.

Yes, I understand not wanting to fight with someone, or to say something you can't take back. I've been there and done that, as the saying goes. Yes, there are times when others don't understand our feelings or don't really hear what we are trying to tell them, or we need time to sort out what we're feeling and how to express it, however none of these things justify giving them The Silent Treatment. Shutting down communication without any explanation is at best an unconscious act of punishment/manipulation at worst it is a deliberate act knowing it will hurt/upset the other person.

You see, while TST may get you the short term results you *think* you want, the truth is every time it's used it does more damage to your relationship with that person; it breaks down communication and more importantly it breaks down trust and respect. Rather than working to create a balanced healthy relationship, TST becomes a power struggle and in the end the relationship suffers and will likely breakdown. If you cannot communicate your point of view or feelings without it turning into a fight, a huge emotional drama or without saying something you will regret, then by all means, step away from the conversation. This does not mean giving the person TST, it means tell them you cannot discuss it right now AND agree to discuss it later at a specific time. So, if you're too upset and things are getting out of hand, admit it and agree to discuss it later in the day or even the next day being specific as to when exactly you are going to sit down and discuss it.

By temporarily walking away you give yourself and the other person the opportunity to think about the situation, what each of you want to express, whether it's facts or feelings, in a way that is not accusing or assigning blame. Remember how you feel is your responsibility, you are choosing your response, so "You made me feel ...." is not an acceptable statement. Something triggered your emotional response and you alone are responsible for that response. That being said, it is acceptable to say "When you did (or said) X, I felt Y" Recognize what the trigger was (something done or said) that caused your emotional response rather than blaming the person for how you feel/felt.

Often what triggers us is not what we are currently experiencing, but instead, our current experience triggers something we associate into from our past> In other words, what gets triggered is all the baggage from our past that we unconsciously drag around with us.

The best way to avoid The Silent Treatment is to come up with an agreement when both individuals are in a good frame of mind and there are no outstanding issued between them. Sit down and just write out some rules to follow so you both know and respect the process of resolving issues when they do arise.

A few ideas would be:

1. If the matter cannot be discussed calmly, agree to walk away and meet again later at a set time when you both have had time to think clearly and unplug from the emotional drama.

2. Agree that past issues are PAST and will NOT constantly be brought back up days, weeks, months or years later in other disagreements. Keep the discussion revelant to the current situation.

3. Work to find common ground. You want a win-win, not a win-lose. When someone wins and the other loses you are creating resentment and a me vs you situation. You want a win-win, you want a partnership, an opportunity to work together towards a better relationship.

4. Own what's yours - you feelings, your thoughts, your behaviour. So statements are "I" based. "I felt...", "I said..". "I acted/behaved..."    Guilt, punishment and manipulation are unacceptable.

You have to be able to communicate openly and honestly without fear of it being held against you or thrown back in your face days, weeks, months (or even years) from now. A healthy relationship, regardless of the type of relationship (adult/child, spouses, friends, lovers) grows healthier and stronger when those involved can share openly an honestly anything and everything and still be loved and respected. Knowing you have that kind of relationship will make your time together golden.

Ruby Slippers

2010-08-27T19:12:00.000-04:00

Those who know me well know I have a small but funky shoe collection which has been rapidly growing over the past several months. The current item on my 'must have' list is a pair of red pumps (or ruby slippers if you happen to be a fan of The Wizard of Oz). For me there's just something about wearing flashly shoes that not only gives my spirits a lift but also boosts my confidence. While I know confidence and power come from within, it is nice to have something external as a reminder and that's what shoes are to me; an external reminder of my internal power.

As a society, we have created all sorts of tailsmans to represent 'power'. Who hasn't heard of 'the power suit'? Or bought items like cars, jewellery, or clothes because at both a conscious and unconscious level they represent image, confidence, power and sucess? A tailman also includes 'lucky' items, religious symbols, and even routines (rituals). The power isn't within wearing or carrying the item or following a specific routine, but in the faith the person holds in their belief that by doing so they are protected or increasing their chance of success.

The point is, the external item only holds the energy and power you put into it; it's your power. We always have the power within us, we just don't always see it within ourselves. We have a tendency to attach our power to an external item and after a while we associate confidence or good fortune with the item. When we give our power away to an external item we run into trouble because we believe the power is in the item and if anything happens to the item we unconsciously feel lost and unlucky. Remember the old adage "Clothes don't make the man" it's true. The character and confidence of the man (or woman) wearing the clothes is what makes others take notice of the person. You can wear a designer suit and yet if you don't feel confident and comfortable in it, you're going to appear awkward, uncertain and uncomfortable; the power is not in the suit, it's in your ability to wear it with confidence.

So even though I know I can't click the heels of my new ruby slippers together and transport myself to where I want to go, I do know when I look at them I see them as bright, daring, a little bold and definitely making a positive statement which reminds me to be the same. If that isn't enough, they also make me smile every time I look at them which gives me a boost too because when I'm smiling and happy I'm even more confident.

Remember the power is within you ~ the tailsman, no matter what it is, is merely an external reminder of how powerful you truly are.

Balancing Change

2010-08-03T12:59:00.000-04:00

Considering we humans are supposed to be logical thinkers, it's amazing how we can be logical one moment, and totally illogical the next.

For example, think about how we perceive "change" for instance. Just about everyone has something in their life they'd like to change whether it's something big or small there's a something; and for the record, there really aren't any 'small' changes. Yet so many people procrastinate about actually taking the steps needed to create the change they say they desire. Why?

This is where the logical and illogical come into play. Logically people know when there's something in their life that needs to change because it's not serving a positive purpose in their life. When change is desired it's because we don't like the way things are, we want something else ~ we want something better. Think about it, do you ever hear anyone say, "my health is great, I wish it was worse"? Not a chance, it's always a change to the positive "I'd love to be healthier". Whether the change is related to their health, relationship, job, or even their spirituality, everyone knows when change is needed to improve some aspect of their life.

Now if a person knows they need to make a change (or changes) more often than not they know what needs to be done or at least they have a good idea about what steps they need to take to create change, yet they don't act on the knowledge. Why? The fear of change holds them in limbo creating the tug of war between the logical and the illogical thoughts and patterns which run both consciously and unconsciously.

We've all been there, we've all said (or at least thought) these things: "I really want to do this, but if I do, things will be different"; "What if by changing this one thing, everything else changes for the worse?"; "What if this changes who I am?" "I want to change this in my life but I don't want my life to change". Any of these sound familiar?

When you think about it logically, then really how can changing a negative thing in your life into a positive thing ruin the other positive aspects in your life? Think about it, if for example you're unhappy at work, then that unhappiness affects your relationships, and affects your health and well being. So, realistically, making a change for the better in your work life will only improve your relationships because you will be happier and want to be around people more; your health and well being will improve as well because you won't be stressed, angry or worried about work related stuff.

Since you always have choice, you get to choose what form the change takes. Perhaps you need to change how you interact with your colleagues so there are fewer misunderstandings, perhaps you need to upgrade your skills so you can apply for a different or better position in the company, perhaps you want to go into another line of work completely. Whatever you need to do for you to change things for better is going to also improve other aspects of your life. If you're happy at work, then it's likely you're going to be happy when you get home from work, you're going to feel better, less stressed more interested in being active and involved.

The same applies for any area of life. Positve change creates more positive change.

A lot of people get stuck by trying to "keep everything balanced the same way it used to be" while trying to only change the one thing which needs changing. They create a lot of unnecessary stress and angst simply because they are trying to keep things the same and at the same time change things. The logical and illogical tug of war. You can't change something and expect things to stay the same; and why would you want to? Afterall, the purpose of introducing change is to improve your life.

When you introduce positive change, know that it is going to ripple POSITIVELY through all areas of your life. You may feel a little off balance or even confused and that's normal because you have introduced new positive dynamics which require a rebalancing of energies. What you used to think of as balanced and centered has shifted slightly to accommodate the positive change, so you simply need to get used to your new center of balance.

Think of it like trying something new. There's a learning curve involved, a sense of newness and excitement, potential and possibilities, and it takes a little getting used to. After a short while, it becomes comfortable and familiar, and you're much happier and healthier. It makes you wonder why you were afraid to change in the first place.

Change is simply the tool used to align and balance your life as you continue to learn and grow throughout your lifetime. Rather than fearing what change will bring, embrace it with joy, knowing it will improve your life in ways you have yet to imagine.

Decisions

2010-07-05T20:14:00.001-04:00

For me, decision making is always a funny thing. I often find it easy to make 'big decisions' in a snap, and yet I get hung up on the seemingly little ones.

For example, a couple of weeks ago, I received an email about a course which is being offered next year. The course is only available in the US and will require three separate trips to complete. Yet, I immediately checked the dates and booked it into my calendar without so much as a second thought about the time, money or energy commitment it will require from me to attend. In fact, I had it booked in my calendar before I had even finished reading the course outline. A snap decision. I could easily see myself taking the course and felt immediately it's the right thing for me to do at this point in my life. There was something about it I found both exciting and compelling, stirring my emotions in a way that made it hard to ignore.

On the other hand, it has taken me literally MONTHS to decide on a new bed (headboard/footboard). I had narrowed my choice down to two, but for the life of me I couldn't decide which I liked better and I had resorted to asking others for their thoughts and opinions on the two. Surprisingly, most people were non-commital saying they liked both as well.

So why was the bed decision such a challenge? Simply because both styles would blend into the decor beautifully though with slightly different results. One was more classic, the other more artistic, but both had an elegance and flow that greatly appealed to the visionary in me. Both made me feel a sense of tranquility, comfort and peace which to me are great qualities for a bed and a good night's sleep. It was certainly a rare moment to find that I really didn't prefer one over the other. I actually liked them both equally for different reasons. I think the challenge was really between deciding on whether I wanted the bedroom to have a classic elegance or an artistic elegance because that would determine which bed would be purchased.

I always 'see' my decisions first and then 'feel' them; meaning I visualize the situation or the end result first and then check on my emotions to see how I feel about it. Between the seeing and the feeling, I usually have a pretty strong impression about what I should (or should not) do in any circumstance. I follow my intuition knowing that it is always my best guide.

Intuition is something we all have though we call it a variety of things: gut feeling, hunch, seeing the potential, just knowing it's right. No matter what you call it, it's that aspect which prompts you to do something, leaving it up to you whether you follow your instincts (intuition) or not.

What I have learned over the years is following my intuition leads me to opportunities and guides me in ways that make my life a lot easier. The times when I do choose not to follow it and it usually lands me in hot water. Like everything, the more you work with it, the better you become at recognizing its subtle signs and signals.

Oh, and yes, I have made a decision on the bed. :o D

Working For A Living

2010-05-21T16:11:00.001-04:00

We've all heard the expression "Do what you love for a living and you will never work a day in your life".

Do you wake each morning with a sense of excitement for what the day will bring you that you practically spring out of bed or do you wake with a groan at the thought of having to go to work and feel like you're dragging yourself out of bed?

For those who love what they do for a living, each day holds the promise of something new and exciting. They experience life with a much more positive perspective simply because so much of their time and energy is spent within a positive emotional vibration.

The happiness they experience through their work ripples out through their lives the same way a stone dropped in a pool of water creates circular ripples moving from the center outwards. When the originating emotion is one of pleasure, happiness, joy, etc., then it is the emotion that ripples outwards into other areas of their lives, providing a more positive attitude and outlook towards life in general. This doesn't mean a life without troubles, worries, or disappointments; it merely means when challenges arise in their lives they find a way to tap into and maintain that positive emotion to help them get through no matter how big the challenge.

Think about it. Imagine feeling happy, excited, contented, or any other positive emotion 8 hours a day, 5 days a week while earning a living at the same time. Most people cannot even begin to imagine what that would look like, or how it would feel to feel that good all day long while at work. While most would say they can't quit the job they dislike (or even hate), they do have the power of choice, they can change jobs, or even just begin to change their perspective on the jobs they have in order to improve how they feel about it.

What if instead of dreading each work day, they decided to see it as a fresh start. An opportunity to find the positive aspects of who they work with and what they do, rather than just seeing the challenges and problems. What if they adopted the attitude of "this too shall pass" realizing how they choose to respond within any situation is entirely within their control. What if they realized holding onto the anger or frustration merely creates more of the same adn spreads through their lives. What if they chose to focus on what they need to do to keep themselves in a place of happiness or at the very least, equilibrium instead of anger and frustration. What if, little by little, they became more aware of this, shifting their view from the negative to find the positive each day. What if, by finding positive things within each day their outlook became more positive, then in turn their emotions would become more positive, and like that stone dropped in a pool, positive emotions rippled through their lives instead of negative ones. How amazing would that experience be?

Remember, the emotion you spend most of your day in is the emotion that will ripple through your life. Wouldn't you prefer it to be a positive one? Happiness in life begins with happiness within yourself.

On The Road Again

2010-04-28T12:54:00.000-04:00

I've spent a lot of time in my car during the month of April, travelling here and there, short trips and long trips, totalling 2,347kms. (that's about 1,458 miles for my American friends). Fortunately I love driving so it's not quite as bad as it might sound and I know the roads well so I wasn't concerned about getting lost or needing to read directions or a map.

Driving always gives me a sense of freedom and the opportunity to look around both physically and mentally. It's a break from routine and the chance to see what's going on around me as well as within me. As I travelled, I noticed changes in the landscape had occurred since I last travelled the route. Spring had obviously arrived with daffodils blooming at the side of the road and of course, the ever present road work and detours which arrive each spring and stay until late autumn; similar to the migrating birds, only a lot noisier and annoying than the birds could ever be. Old buildings are gone, new buildings sprouting up all over the place. What used to be open land is now populated with houses and stores; getting out of the city takes a lot longer simply because the city has grown. So much has changed, yet so much remains the same; different yet familar.

As I drove I contemplated how the changes I saw around me reflected the changes within me. A lot has changed over the past year. I've cleared away some of the old (physical stuff, beliefs, emotions) in order to make room for the new things I want in my life. I don't just mean new physical things, I mean new opportunities, new people, new ideas, new clarity, new understanding. Like the landscape around me, I too had to clear a place within me in order to accommodate the new.

Clearing the way was a lot like road construction as there were delays and detours along the way. Though frustrating at times, I learned delays provide the opportunity to take another look or a better look to see what's going rather than just rushing by without a second glance. Detours take you to different unexpected places, often showing you something you would have otherwise missed completely. It really is about the journey and not the destination. Yes, it's important to get where you're going, to reach your goal, however, it's equally important to be flexible enough to realize there's more than one way to get there. As they say "all roads lead to Rome".

While my road trips took me many kms. (miles) in different directions, my internal journey did the same. Within me there is a sense of newness, a feeling of anticipation and excitement for what is developing, a sense of happiness and freedom, and a desire to seek and explore new destinations.

Once again I am reminded that our outer world is a reflection of the world within us. There is so much to explore in both!

Spring Cleaning

2010-04-01T11:10:00.003-04:00

While Spring officially arrived last month, it's never really Spring to me until the weather is sunny and warm. What I have noticed is the change in weather often creates a change in attitude. People seem to become more motivated and energized and willing to roll up their sleeves and do some serious work.

With warmer temperatures and sunny days, yards and gardens draw our attention to the need to clean out debris that has accumulated over the Fall and Winter, pull out weeds that have taken root before the roots become so strong and deep that they seem impossible to remove. Once everything's cleaned up, there's some prep work to be done. The soil in the gardens needs to be turned and fertilized before new seeds, bulbs, and plants can be planted.

Then there's the house. Spring cleaning usually involves a great deal of cleaning both inside and out. Windows washed, drapery and carpets cleaned, closets emptied, perhaps even rooms painted. Spring brings with it a sense of 'new' as everything springs to life bringing colour and warmth into our days giving our spirits a lift.

Spring cleaning is a step by step process, and while it's possible, theoretically, skip a step here and there, we all know the results won't be as dramatic or as beautiful if we cut corners. We all want the yard and garden to look spectacular because we want to enjoy them for the coming months. The same applies for the work we do in the house, we want to look around and feel pleased and happy in our surroundings knowing everything is cleared and cleaned, and has a fresh new feel to it. So we make the commitment and invest our time, money and energy into making our external world clean, fresh and beautiful.

Now the question is, "what about our internal world?" Have we invested the time, money and energy needed to clean up and clear out the mental, emotional and spiritual debris and clutter we have been carrying for months, years or perhaps even decades? Imagine how much clearer and lighter it would feel to finally get rid of everything that weighs us down and holds us back. Imagine how releasing it would make us feel lighter, more confident, happier, focused, younger and energized, so we could approach everything in life with the same sense of renewal, optimism and enthusiasm that Spring invokes in us.

Clearing and cleaning our internal world creates the space needed to plant personal seeds ~ dreams, goals, personal growth and development. It provides the opportunity for these personal seeds to develop and grow without the disappointments of the past blocking their growth. You wouldn't plant new seeds, bulbs and plants in a garden that had not been cleared and cultivated and expect a beautiful garden; the same holds true for your dreams, goals and personal growth. They cannot flourish amongst the the debris and clutter of the past, they need a fresh clean space in which to grow and thrive.

Spring cleaning ~ an opportunity to clean up both your external and internal worlds to create beauty and joy.

The Past Revisited

2010-02-24T14:11:00.001-05:00

Thanks to a friend who celebrated a milestone birthday in February, I had the opportunity to spend time and talk with people I haven't seen in many, many years. While it seemed a little awkward at first, the years quickly disappeared and the evening was filled with both laughter and love. While I can't speak for the others, I know I laughed so hard at times that it brought tears to my eyes; and it's been a long time since that has happened. It was a truly wonderful evening and amazing how easily we came together as though we had never been apart.

It's amazing how some people from our past never seem to change ~ in a good way ~ even though their lives have taken them down different paths, through experiences which varied from fabulous to frightening. The core of who they were 'back then' remains the core of who they are now. They are true to themselves and to those around them so it doesn't matter if you saw them last week, last month, last year or in the last decade, they are who they have always been ~ friends, in the deepest sense of the word. You know them and they know you, both sharing hopes and dreams, fears and failures, laughter and tears, and through it all, you are there for each other.

As I listened to and laughed with everyone there that night, I saw a group of friends who had never lost sight of the importance of having and keeping good close friends. It didn't matter where life took them or how many miles apart they were from each other, the bond of friendship has thrived through space and time as well as through life's ups and downs.

As I left that night, I thought of how truly blessed my friend is to have such good people in her life; and how blessed I am, for I too, have amazing people in my life.

What better gift is there in life than a true friend? To have one and to be one is one of life's great joys.

First Things First

2010-01-24T12:24:00.003-05:00

I was reminded the other day how important it is to make sure your priorities are:

in the right order
really your priorities

Seems simple and clear enough, but surprisingly, people often have priorities which don't actually fall into these two categories.

People often approach their goals/priorities from a very logical perspective; analyzing each and arranging them into a list in order of priority. It's all very neat and organized and makes perfect sense. Great! Only problem is, they don't feel like doing the first thing on the list. They know they should, they know it's something they want to accomplish, yet they can't seem to get going on it and don't really understand why.

The reason is quite simple. It' not logic that drives our behaviour and our actions; it's emotion. So while we think we should do A before we do B, the reality is B is more important to us at an emotional level; and therefore, it's really the priority and should be done first.

I have goals I'm working on, some are big, some not so big. Each are important to me for various reasons and in varying degrees. The irony is, the one I had deemed 'most important', ("A") from a logical, rational perspective, turned out not to be as important as the one I thought was my 2nd most important ("B"). Now, while doing "A" first would make it a lot easier to focus on "B", the reality is achieving "B" first will make me a lot happier. When I'm happy, I am able to focus, to make decisions, and to feel confident in the choices I make and to move forward. So while "A" is logically the most important, "B" has the emotional connection to it that will motivate and move me into action; in short, I'm more passionate about achieving "B". Therefore, it makes sense to switch my priorities, making "B" my new "A" and using the energy it gives me to help me achieve both goals.

Remember too, goals need to be self-directed. In other words, you have to want them for yourself, not because it will make someone else in your life happy...it has to make YOU happy. It's your emotional connection to the goal which will move you towards achieving your goal; if you don't feel it, it makes it difficult to get or maintain the movitation needed to achieve it.

So, when it comes to priorities and goals, you need to make sure you really are putting first things first. Which goal are you most passionate about? Which is going to inspire you, motivate you? The one that excites you the most is your priority, so make sure it's your 1st priority; even if it doesn't make logical sense. Follow your passion, it's the source of your creativity, inspiration, motivation and the path to your success.

Wishes For 2010

2010-01-02T12:39:00.002-05:00

Hours of happy times with friends and family
Abundant time for relaxation
Prosperity
Plenty of love when You need it the most
Youthful excitement at lifes simple pleasures

Nights of restful slumber (you know - dont' worry be happy)
Everything you need
Wishing You love and light

Years and years of good health
Enjoyment and mirth
Angels to watch over You
Rembrances of happy years!

Nothing Ventured - Nothing Gained

2009-11-12T12:12:00.001-05:00

"No guts - no glory"

Have you noticed we have a few very familar sayings which all imply courage and action are needed in order to achieve something positive; to succeed?

When you think about it, it really makes sense because more often than not, what stops us from making changes in our life is not that it's too hard to do, it's because we don't know what will happen. In other words, it's not the level of difficulty that stops us, it's the fear of the unknown.

How often do we wish our lives were different in some way, yet when given the opportunity to make a change, we shy away rather than reach out with both hands to take hold of it? If it's something we want, if we know it's something that will make us happy or healthy or improve our life, why are we so reluctant to take action? Have we become so accepting of 'the way things are' that we no longer believe they can be any other way?

It seems we want a promise, a guarantee; if we take this opportunity, this risk, it will all work out the way we envision. Often the vision we hold of the opportunities presented to us is much smaller than what we actually experience. We tend to play down opportunities, making them appear small and inconsequential so they are either easily dismissed and forgotten; or we play them down so they become easier to act upon. If it's 'no big deal' then we don't get our hopes up and we also don't tap into that fear of the unknown.

Life holds few guarantees, yet one thing is for certain, nothing improves or changes unless you are willing to take that leap of faith and take action on opportunities presented to you. It takes courage and confidence to take a leap of faith and while each and every one of us is capable of it, not all of us choose to do it which brings us back to my grandmother's favourite saying "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" and my brother's favourite "No guts - No glory".

Take a leap of faith and believe it will all work out beautifully for you. What you focus on is what you create in your world, so focus on succeeding whenever you seize an opportunity.

Blessings

Thanksgiving

2009-10-11T12:02:00.000-04:00

I always have mixed feelings about Thanksgiving. While I have much to be thankful for, Thanksgiving also marks the death of both my grandfather and my great aunt. So it's with a sense of appreciation for what I have been blessed with along with a sense of loss that I approach this holiday. Yet I wonder, if I'm the only one who feels this way on this particular holiday?

So often we take for granted all that we have, including the people in our lives. We become so used to them always being there for us, that we don't really give it much thought. Mentally we know at some point loved ones will die, yet part of us doesn't really believe there will come a day when they won't be here celebrating the holidays with us.

Thanksgiving is meant to be about spending time together with those you love and giving thanks for all the blessings in your life ~ including the family and friends who share your life. For it is the people in your life that make life worthwhile ~ the people who share your laughter and love, who are there in your time of need & sorrow; the people who touch and colour your life in a myriad of ways that you don't even realize, until they are gone.

Our biggest blessing is the people who share our lives ~ and for that we should give thanks ~ daily.

May your days be blessed ~ now and always.

Lazy Tree - Or Simply Efficient?

2009-09-27T15:45:00.004-04:00

After feeling so awful, it's surprising how quickly I have rebounded and how good I now feel. Taking the time to stop (or literally being made to stop) while not a ideal way to rest, did have it's up side. Taking a break and just stopping all the craziness of running around and doing things gave me the opportunity to just BE. My attention turned inwards, to my own well being, to my own thoughts, dreams, goals. What I was doing with my time and my life, as well as what I wanted to do but haven't gotten around to ~ yet.

It's not quite October, yet the tree outside my office window is already showing signs of leaves changing colour and dropping. Mind you, I refer to this particular tree as our Lazy Tree, as it is the last one to grow leaves in the Spring and the first to drop leaves in the Autumn. Yet, it does still manage to do all it is supposed to do even though it seems to spend as little time as possible actually doing it. I wonder, does that make it Lazy...or Efficient?!

As I head into the new week, I am beginning to consider what I need to accomplish this week and what on the list is really a priority. I'm very conscious of the now and am making sure I'm scheduling my time in the most efficient way without feeling like I'm burning the candle at both ends. I have both short term and long term projects I'm working on, and while I'm intrigued and excited about all of them, I also know that in order to do what I want to do, I need to pace myself.

As I gaze out my window at the Lazy Tree, I wonder if, perhaps it has the right idea after all. Perhaps what I should consider is doing things in a way that works for me regardless of what everyone else is doing. Like my Lazy Tree who is always last to start growing leaves in the Spring, it begins on it's own schedule and to suit it's own energy and growth. It may be wise for me to work on my own schedule, with my own energy levels, rather than conform to what's expected. I know I have the choice of how quickly or how slowly things get done, so it makes sense to choose the way that will bring me the most happiness along the way.

I think I'll ponder a while longer today ~ and see what choices present themselves when I look at my list through the eyes of choice rather than 'things to do'.

Happy, happy is what I want to be ~ now. :o )

Stop Signs & Other Things To Pay Attention To

2009-09-19T14:52:00.003-04:00

The past week had been unexpectedly challenging. It started off well enough, but by Wednesday morning I found I was beyond exhausted and actually spent most of the day in bed.

After sleeping for the better part of Wednesday, when I got up Thursday morning I was feeling better, so I planned out my day. It included an hour's drive north to see a friend and dropping by a colleague's home to pick up some hand-made specialty bath products. At the time it didn't seem like a very strenuous or taxing way to spend the day. However, by the time I got home, I was once again exhausted.

Fortunately I didn't have much scheduled on Friday, so I did very little other than rest. What I realized is my energy has been low for a long time but I have continued to push forward and do things because I felt I "had" to, rather than to just Stop and rest and rejuvenate. Instead, I kept on working and believing that I could keep up the pace for an extended period of time without any repercussions.

More often than not, we know when we are run down, when we are burning the candle at both ends, and when we really need to take a break. The signs are always there, yet, how often do we continue to push the limits and attempt to keep pace when everything in us is telling us to just STOP! Then we seem surprised when we seem to just collapse ~ mentally, physically or emotionally and we are shocked by just how exhausted we feel once we do stop.

I know I need a few more days of rest and rejuvenation before I will even begin to feel better. I also realize that had I taken some time to rest when I knew I needed to, I wouldn't have experienced this level exhaustion.

When all signs point to STOP...it's best to STOP before something happens that will make you stop.

Blessings.

Hello...Hello....?!

2009-09-07T19:54:00.005-04:00

My Blackberry phone stopped working the other day. I tried numerous things to get it to work and I even talked to one of those techie type people who are paid to help those of us who are less technically inclined work through our cyber troubles and the end result was the same... it's broken. While I did some initial research into what my options are - do I get it fixed? or do I just replace it? - I didn't actually do either simply because it was Friday of the Labor Day week-end and I just didn't want to spend the time or energy on it. After all, it's only a cell phone, it could wait until Tuesday....couldn't it?

Now, I'm not one of those people who is always on their cell phone. Nor do I constantly check my e-mail on it. That being said, I will admit I have become very accustomed to having a working cell phone since I've been carrying one around for about 15 years now. So, I figured since I'm not a cell phone addict, I didn't need to replace it immediately, I could easily make it through the holiday week-end without a phone. So I thought.

I was travelling over the Labor Day week-end and ended up running late AND I made a wrong turn and had troubles figuring out where I was supposed to be. Normally I would have just called and asked for directions, but alas, no phone...so on I drove backtracking and trying to figure out where I was and where/how I missed the street I was supposed to turn on to. Now, it's not often that I get lost as I always map out directions on how to get where I'm going, yet on this trip street signs were missing and I ended up in unfamiliar territory and no one around to ask. What was even stranger, the street I was on had the same name as the street I was supposed to be on...but it wasn't the right street...it was in the wrong neighbourhood.

I did eventually reach my destination, almost an hour later than expected, but at least I did find it. What I also found out was how much I have come to rely on having a cell phone when I travelled and how I have come to just take it for granted that it's there when and if I need it. It was a strange and slightly unsettling feeling not to be able to call a friend for help or directions when there was no one around on the street to ask. Even a phone booth (if I could find one) would have been of no help because I had failed to write down my friend's new phone number because I keep all my phone numbers in my Blackberry.

So, tomorrow morning I'm off to get a new cell phone because while I may not be a cell phone addict, I have realized that having one provides me with a sense of comfort/security that I didn't realize until now.

The Mystery of Life

2009-08-09T16:46:00.003-04:00

It's strange, we never question why we are blessed, we never want an explanation for it, we willingly accept it as a part of life. When we are challenged by life, we need an explanation. It's as if by understanding the reason for it, it will somehow make it easier to accept. Yet it really doesn't matter the reason 'why' because even knowing the answer still leaves you in the same place; you have to deal with the challenge.

If you think about it, it is the challenges, the heartaches, the sorrows in life that present us with our greatest opportunities to learn and grow. In them we find the strength to carry on; the courage to begin anew; the understanding and compassion to walk a mile in someone else's shoes; and sometimes the realization that we are far more blessed than we ever thought. Often it is in the darkest moments of others that we see our own capacity to give selflessly - our time, our support, our love, our compassion, not giving thought to 'what do I get from doing this' merely giving because from the deepest part of our being we want to be able to help in some small way to ease their burden. Perhaps in the back of our mind is the old saying "There but for the Grace of God, go I".

Things happen in life that seem senseless, random, cruel. Things we wish we could explain, understand, fix. Is there a higher purpose to these things that we just don't see? Perhaps. That, however, is for wiser minds than mine to contemplate and answer. For me, these challenges are an opportunity to allow random acts of love, kindness and compassion to flow out into a world that sometimes gets so caught up in the 'things' of life that it forgets the 'heart and soul' of life.

Release the need to know 'why'. Instead, look within and ask "What can I do now to help improve this situation?" Actions speak louder than words; whether it's for yourself or someone else, any positive action anchored in positive intent, is only going to make things better.

Count the blessings in your life - may they always far outweigh the sorrows

More & More Writing

2009-06-19T15:56:00.005-04:00

We're more than half way through June and I'm still writing. It's a little hard for me to believe that I have spent the better part of June writing seminars and workshops. What amazes me even more is that I have been able to write so much in such a short time.

I'm excited by what I am creating and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to present these materials in front of an audience. I am sometimes amazed by the direction my life has taken and the work I do. Part of me has always known I would some day be helping others create the lives they have always dreamed of, but it is still a little astounding to me that I am living my dream. Each morning I awaken with a sense of excitement and curiosity about what the day will hold for me and that's a wonderful feeling.

So while it's been a busy month, it's been fun and exciting. I'm doing more of what I love and I'm enjoying myself. I even did an hour long interview this month which you can listen to online or download here.

http://welcomechangesradio.com/2009/06/16/bren-comacchio-download/

Really, when you love what you do and have fun doing it, does it get much better than this? :o )

What Happened To May?

2009-05-31T18:08:00.003-04:00

Wow, it's already May 31st and I haven't written a single blog post this month. For someone who loves to write, I must admit I'm surprised I haven't actually posted anything all month. Yet as I look back over the month, I find that I've done a great deal of writing, none of it visible to anyone but me for the moment.

Weather wise May has had it's ups and downs which seemed to more or less mirror my life. There have been some wonderful 'ups' including a week's vacation and some 'downs' where I have felt frustrated with the way things were progressing or actually not progressing in my life.

It was a month of change and transformation for me. Rather than continue to invest time and energy into something that wasn't giving me the results I desired, I stopped and re-evaluated things. It had become obvious to me that I needed to make changes to the way I was doing things if I expected different results.

So I spent time thinking about what I wanted, what I really wanted and what I found was I wanted more.

I wanted more from my relationships; meaning I wanted my relationships to be stronger, happier, healthier, more loving, more committed, more supportive ~ me giving as well as receiving all these things in all my relationships.

I wanted more from my work; meaning I wanted to work more, help others to live the lives they had always dreamed of. I wanted to do more public speaking, more seminars, more workshops.

I wanted more from life in general. More time with family, more time with friends, more love, more laughter, more happiness, more health. I just wanted more in every aspect of my life.

It's not that I was unhappy with my life, it was that I just felt I wasn't living my life to the fullest; that there was more that I could do, give, and experience if I wanted to, if I choose to do something about it now.

So, with deliberate intention, I spent the month working towards creating more in my life. As a Transformation Guide and Coach, I know what it takes to create more. My work is all about transforming what isn't working in your life into what you desire, so I merely had to walk the talk, so to speak. The great thing about transformation is once you have committed to change and have a very clear vision of what you want and begin to move towards it, things begin to happen very fast to get you to where you want to be.

I had a new vision of what I wanted in my life and I created a plan in which to achieve this goal. Part of this included creating a whole new business plan as well as a series of seminars and workshops. This is ambitious plan meant I had to sit down and write the seminars and create the workshops and believe me, that worked out to be a lot of writing!

I only realized today that I still needed to write my monthly newsletter (it's free and you can sign up for it on my website) and that I had not posted anything in my blog all month. So in effect, more writing. I did say I wanted more and with the work I have done in May I expect I will be experiencing more of what I desire in my life ~ simply because I chose to make the changes needed to create the more I desire.

I suspect June is going to be GREAT!

Spring Cleaning...And Then Some

2009-04-28T09:43:00.003-04:00

April has been a busy month.

It seemed like shortly after the month began, I felt the urge to pack up and clear out. Spring cleaning took on a whole new meaning as I looked not only in the closets and cupboards for things that were worn out and serving no purpose, but also within my life. Old habits, beliefs, decisions, anything and everything that was slowing me down had to go....and had to go now!

So, as I emptied closets and tossed out clothes that had seen better days, I also packed up clothes I no longer wore and donated them. But I didn't stop there. I also shredded old files and papers that I no longer needed to keep. I donated old appliances, radios and clocks. Basically I made a whole lot of space for 'something new' to enter my life. I'm not exactly sure what that 'something' is, but considering how much space I've made, I'd say it's something BIG!

Once the physical space was cleared, it was time to get clear in my thinking and my life. I find we often get so caught up in our day to day stuff that we don't really give it too much thought, it just becomes a long list of things to do. Yet taking time to stop and consider what we are doing, how we are spending our time and how we feel about it all can really give you both clarity and insight into your life. You see what's not working and needs to be changed, and you also see what is working whichs gives you the opportunity to appreciate it and to realize how blessed you actually are.

There's a lot I'm thankful for...and there's stuff that's not working that I'm changing now. It wasn't until I took time to really look at it that I realized it's time to make changes in order to get to where I want to be. So I'm spending the last couple of days of April to plan out those changes and develop a strategy in which to accomplish them. The time is now and I'm excited to begin.

Spring is an inspiring time of year - a time of renewal and growth, so if you are looking to change things in your life ~ now is a perfect time to begin!

A Tribute

2009-03-18T17:23:00.004-04:00

In a post entitled "A Moment to Celebrate" I mentioned a book I had collaborated on was finally published and delivered. It was an awesome moment, one that I was fortunate enough to share with my colleagues, Renate, Kim & Deborah.

Renate was the main author of this book, an amazing, inspiring woman who shared her experiences and knowledge with others. Throughout her life she has worked with people, encouraging them, pushing them when they needed a push, to strive to be the best they could be ~ to reach their full potential, to be great rather than just average.

The book, Dying to Live Well, is about Renate's personal journey through crisis. Rather than giving up, she decided instead to move forward with life. She recognized that no matter what the crisis, there was always an opportunity somewhere in there, and that she had the power to choose what she did, how she felt, and how she was going to live.

It's the story about choice, about finding the opportunity in your crisis, about what you can learn if you choose to pay attention, how to transform the now into something better, how to create healthy self-esteem, and to recognize that sometimes we get so caught up in the details that we fail to see the bigger picture. That life doesn't begin with our first breath nor does it end with our last breath. We are so much more than that.

Sadly, Renate passed away on March 2nd. She touched literally hundreds of lives often inspiring people so much that they transformed their lives into the life they had always dreamed of. She was courageous, funny, smart, wise, encouraging, supportive, brilliant, strong, (stubborn too) in short, she was everything you ever wanted in a friend.

While I miss her, I know she's not too far away ~ I can see and hear her, and she's still pushing me, encouraging me to be the best I can be....and to make a difference in the lives of others.

My thoughts & prayers go to her hubby and her sons as they learn to live without her laughter, smile and love.

Better Days Ahead

2009-03-07T15:16:00.003-05:00

I must admit the month of February and the beginning of March have been challenging for me. While I am generally an optimistic person by nature, there have been times over the last 6 weeks that have really tested my optimism and faith, not to mention drained my energy and left me feeling tired and worn out. I think we all have times like this, where it seems like anything that can go wrong does; that the only news we hear from family and friends is 'bad' news. It reminds me of what one of my grandmothers used to say "When trouble comes, open both doors because it never comes alone!"

Yet, it is in these times that we need to look to find the positive because there is always something positive if we look. Sometimes it's a lesson in boundaries; sometimes it's realizing that if you need help you just have to ask; sometimes it's finding out that there are those who love you and are there for you no matter what. In every crisis there is opportunity, but to find it you must first learn to step out of the emotional drama and see what is really going on. It's when you are able to do this that you find choices you never knew existed; and, when you see you have choice, suddenly things take on a whole new perspective.

There are always better days ahead ~ the key is to make 'today' that better day.

A Moment To Celebrate

2009-01-30T15:08:00.007-05:00

Last Spring, my friend Renate decided to write a book and she invited 3 friends (Kim, Deborah & I) to each write a chapter. This was the start of an amazing journey for us both as individuals and as a team. Each of us brought a unique perspective to this work and together we created what we believe to be a powerful and inspirational book. It was a long process as we wrote and re-wrote chapters to ensure our words were a true reflection of the message we wanted to share.

Then there was editing and proof-reading; and, just as we were about to go to print, we were joined by an amazing team of creative individuals who gave us a new perspective on both the cover design and the title. Their arrival was timely, their creative vision ~ inspiring. While they re-worked the title and cover we delayed printing, knowing the end result would be a much better reflection of the message within.

We met today to discuss our plans for moving forward with the sale of the book and during our meeting, the first shipment of the finished book arrived from the printers. We were there together, to share that moment. Opening the box and seeing the glossy cover, the crisp clear cover and our work bound together as a book.

It was a moment to celebrate and we did: with laughter and tears and much joy. Words cannot adequately describe the feeling that moment held for us, but I was glad we were all there together when the books arrived so we could celebrate it together.

While this is an ending, it is also a beginning. The book is complete but our work does not stop there. There is still much to do. While we celebrate and revel in having printed copies of the book, we need to look to the future continue to move forward; but first we had to celebrate what we have accomplished thus far.

So, to Renate, Kim and Deborah I say "Ladies you are FABULOUS!" and congratulations!!! I am blessed to call you friends and colleagues and I look forward to continuing our work together. Love you all.

For information about the book, "Dying To Live Well ~ Loving The Journey" click the link below:
http://www.renateweiler.com/author.html

New Year, New Opportunities

2008-12-28T15:57:00.010-05:00

As 2008 draws to a close, I look back over the year to see what goals I have achieved, which still need my attention, what challenges have occurred and what opportunities arose from those challenges.

I will admit 2008 had more than it's fair share of challenges for me and to be honest, I am happy to see the year draw to a close. Yet, there were also some truly positive and wonderful opportunities presented to me in 2008.

I was reminded this year that goals should not be carved in stone; they require flexibility and a willingness to gain a more panoramic view rather than narrow single minded determination. Being committed to your goal and focussing on achieving it helps get you there, but when you can only see ONE way to achieve your goal, you are creating your own blocks and limitations which will ultimately slow your progress.

When you open yourself to seeing things through a BIG PICTURE mentality rather than a narrow straight line, you become aware not only of other opportunities, but also alternative ways to reach your goal. Some times these alternatives turn out to be bigger, better, and faster than you imagined possible.

There are infinite possibilities which means there is more than one way to achieve your goal ~ so be open, be imaginative, be willing to see more than what is directly in front of you, and most importantly, be courageous enough to take the opportunities that are presented to you.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than the fear" ~ Ambrose Redmoon

December's Here

2008-12-11T14:21:00.003-05:00

Well, here we are in the 2nd week of December, a mere 14 days from Christmas, and yet I feel no urge to rush to get things finished. Usually by now I would be finished - finished shopping, finished baking, finished cleaning and decorating, greeting cards mailed, letters written, and able to just sit back and enjoy the holidays. This year is different, the shopping isn't even started, nor is the baking, cards and letters are still waiting on my desk. The cleaning and decorating is about the only thing I've actually done. I just don't feel in the holiday spirit like I normally would by this time of the year.

It's been a strange year. Filled with both saddness and joy, disappointment and success. In some ways it is perhaps a year like any other, yet the highs and lows seemed more extreme this year than in years gone by. While I'm sure this has played a part in how I feel, I actually think it's more than that; I think I just haven't spent enough time with family and friends this year. What's really missing this year is the usual abundance of love and laughter.

Generally speaking, I'm pretty content. Sure there are things which could be better and are improving, but for the most part, I have little to complain about. The one thing I have always had time for in years past is spending time with those who matter most to me. This year, it seemed like schedules conflicted a lot more than in the past, and I missed out on some very important 'milestone' events.

It's these milestone events that remind you how far you have come together, what you have learned along the way, and how some people are meant to be in your life for the long haul. It's these people who remind you the true meaning of the holidays and what the real gifts are: friendship, love, compassion, laughter.

So, perhaps it's not my holiday spirit that is missing, but time spent preparing for the holidays with friends and family. As I contemplate things, I'm beginning to see the simple answer to my holiday blues is as close as a phone call away. It doesn't matter what you do when you're together as long as the time together is filled with laughter and love.

Blessings for the holidays!

Is It A Sign?!

2008-11-17T10:50:00.005-05:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have just completed a couple of big projects. One of which is the creation of a deck of 60 inspirational/guidance cards. I had them proof-read and last week I contacted my rep. at the print company to set up a meeting to get them printed. Instead of arranging a meeting I was hit with some surprising news; the company had gone into receivership just days before my call.

I was surprised to say the least and it left me wondering "What's the message here?" "Is it a sign?" Now, I truly believe everything happens for a reason, however, I also believe that we don't always know what that reason is at the time. This is where I am now, wondering why this 'block' has appeared just as I was ready to complete this project and where do I go from here?

As with everything in life, there are choices to be made and the choices are always made based on the perspective held. So, I can see this as a 'block' and perhaps a sign that this project was not meant to be and I need to give up and walk away.

Or I can see this as an opportunity to take another look at the project to see if there is something I have overlooked, something that needs to be done before it goes to print, or perhaps another printer will do an even better job at a better price. Or, perhaps there is someone I need to meet with to really launch this project on a large scale.

So often, when we hit a block in the road to our goal, we see it as a sign that 'it wasn't meant to be' and we give up. Yet rarely is this really the case. Often the block shows up when we are closest to achieving our goal. It's purpose isn't to stop us dead in our tracks, it's purpose is to give us the opportunity to double check, to see where there may be a weakness in our plan, or to find a more supportive resource (person, place or thing) that will really pull everything together easily and effortlessly. Instead of focusing on the block, focus on what you need to do to get past the block. If you were driving and something blocked your way, what would you do? You'd find another way!! Whether that meant going around it, climbing over it, tunneling under it, or even backing up to find an alternate route, you know there's more than one way to get where you are going so you'd just get there some other way.

The same applies for 'blocks' that appear in the path to your goals. There are other ways to get around these blocks, it's simply a matter of finding the alternate route. Before you throw your hands up in the air and sigh deeply saying "It wasn't meant to be!!" Take a step back and look around. See what opportunities this block creates, how you can benefit from it, where your plan may need a little extra support. In other words, stop looking at the block and start looking for the 'what'; as in "What have I overlooked?" "What do I need to make this a success?" "What else needs to be in place?" Don't be afraid to tell people you've hit a block, you may find the answer to your block comes through your conversation with someone else.

So as I ponder my choices, I know I will choose to see this project through to completion. I truly believe the deck I created hold messages that will resonate and inspire many, many people, so I have no doubt they will be printed and marketed. It's all just a matter of time and, of course, figuring out the 'what' which interestingly enough, is beginning to show itself.

So remember, don't use the blocks in your path as an excuse not to continue, use them as an opportunity to strengthen your plan and to see other ways to achieve your goals.

A Relationship Worth Having

2008-11-06T19:15:00.000-05:00

This month, my parents would have been married 48 years; I say 'would have' because dad passed away earlier this year (on Easter Sunday to be exact). It's hard for me to imagine spending 48 years married to the same person, yet I know my parents loved each other throughout their life together.

Mom is the daughter of an Irish father and an English mother. Dad was Italian; born in Treviso and immigrated to Canada when he was 20. Dad spoke next to no english, but managed to get a job, ironically, as an apprentice for my grandfather....mom's father. A chance meeting one day in 1956, gave dad his first glimpse of the woman he would one day marry.

He managed to convince mom to spend time with him by asking her to help him improve his English. They would go out for long drives each week-end and while dad drove, mom would coach him. On those occasions when she didn’t want to go, dad would coax her to go ‘just out for a coffee’. Since he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her, he would often drive for hours before actually stopping for the promised coffee. He knew she was the one and just needed time to convince her. He eventually won her heart and they were married on November 26, 1960.

They were very different, yet it is as though their differences drew them closer together or perhaps it was their ability to support and encourage each other to follow their dreams. While they built a life together, they also maintained very separate interests. Mom was a classically trained singer, dad raced cars. Yet even though these interests were so diverse and often took them in very different directions, geographically speaking, they supported each other's dreams fully, celebrating each other's successes, encouraging each other when things didn't go quite as planned. They always made time to be together, as a couple, and as parents. Family was always the most important thing in their lives.

They were, to me, an ideal couple. Strong and secure in their love, trust, and respect for each other. They took time to be a part of each other's interests and between them had a huge circle of friends which meant there were always people at our home making it a wonderful environment to grow up in. Our home was 'the place to be' everyone was always welcome day or night often resulting in a mix of racing fanatics and musical afficianados. Odd, yet it somehow always seemed to result in everyone having a good time.

I think we get too caught up in the maddness of life, rushing through it with little time and little thought to give to each other. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is somewhere around 50%? Yet, if we would just stop....for a moment...and think "What is most important to us?...WHO is most important to us?" Perhaps we would see that the things and busy-ness we fill our days with isn't nearly as important as WHO we should fill our days with.

When I look at my parents relationship, I see it as the kind of relationship I strive for. They truly understood that it was entirely possible to have the best of both worlds ~ to follow your dreams and have a happy, stable relationship and family life. To them, it was always a matter of remembering and spending time with what was most important ~ each other.

Working Towards A Goal

2008-10-17T10:04:00.017-04:00

I tend to set Big Goals.

This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because a Big Goal gives me something to focus on and work towards. It's a bad thing because sometimes I get discouraged along the way simply because it seems like I've been working on the same goal for ages. Of course "ages" is completely subjective especially when you're working on something big because there is going to be an element of time involved.

Case in point. I've just finished writing a chapter for a colleague's upcoming book and I've just completed creating a deck of 60 inspirational cards and a companion booklet for the deck. I was (and am) excited about both these projects even though they were big and would take some time to complete. While logically I knew I was looking at a couple of months worth of work to complete both projects, part way through both projects I found myself feeling like the time was rushing forward and I was still working on these projects; it seemed like I wasn't getting anything done and it was taking forever.

While setting big goals is a great thing to do, it would probably have been wiser for me to create small goals or benchmarks within that Big Goal. By creating small goals within a big goal, I would have seen the progress I was making and I also would have created a sense of accomplishment and excitement as I continued to work towards completing the Big Goal. Without those small goals, all I saw was how much more I still had to do and at times it was frustrating. Ahh well, live and learn!

Goals, big or small always need to be S.M.A.R.T:

Specific

Measureable

Attainable

Realistic

Timely

Write them down, then check to see if they meet the SMART criteria and edit as necessary. Then write out several copies and stick them in places where it's easy to see them often so they act as a visual reminder and a motivator.

So remember when you're creating a goal, make it BIG, and then make sure you put smaller goals within it or at the very least some benchmarks so you can see the progress you're making. It will keep you motivated and help you achieve your Big Goal.

Endings And New Beginnings

2008-09-29T22:27:00.006-04:00

As I look outside my office window, I notice the leaves have begun to change colour signifying the end of summer and at the same time, beginning to show the beauty of autumn. An ending and a beginning held within the same period of time.

I love to see the seasons change, though I must admit I prefer watching winter turn to spring, and summer turn to fall, more than seeing fall turn into winter. Yet with each season change there is an ending and a new beginning. Each season holds it's own purpose, time, and beauty. While there are times when I feel winter is way too long, there are those winter nights that hold such amazing beauty in their stillness, the darkness of the night, the purity of the newly fallen snow, that it is truly breathtaking, and worth the long winter months just to have these moments of sheer quiet beauty.

So it is with life. As we grow and change, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we will change. Some changes will be exciting for us, creating a sense of anticipation and hope. Some will hold great beauty and significance; and some, will be like dark winter nights, cold, barren and grim; yet they hold great potential if you are willing and able to look past the obvious and recognize the beauty and wisdom that lies within its depths.

Rather than struggling and denying whatever is difficult in your life at that moment, stop and look at it intently. Seek it's beauty, it's purpose, it's lesson for within its 'pain' is also the wisdom needed to free yourself from it. Rather than struggling against an 'ending', whether it's a relationship, a job, a marriage, a friendship, acknowledge it's time to let go, to quit looking back and instead turn and look forward to the new beginning. However, the only way you will see it is if you are facing forward towards 'what will be' rather than looking back at 'what once was'.

For with every ending, there is always a new beginning, the opportunity to create anew, to create something different, something wonderful, something breathtaking.

Blessings

Making Room

2008-09-07T11:48:00.002-04:00

We often hold on to things, people and situations a lot longer than we should. Perhaps it's because it's familiar and in its own way comforting, even if it no longer serves us and is actually slowing us down.

How many people have a garage so full of 'stuff' that the car doesn't fit into the garage, but instead sits out on the driveway? Closets full of clothes, but they have nothing to wear? A job they hate that's going nowhere? Or are in a relationship with someone they don't love? As a society we want 'more' yet so few have figured out there is a need to balance out the energy of 'more'. To draw more into your life, you need to make room for it ~ in other words, you need to release the 'old stuff' so there is room for the 'new stuff'.

I often come across people who tell me they believe in the LOA. They talk the talk, but they don't walk the talk. Some are in marriages that were over a long time ago yet neither partner has called it quits, not because they still love each other, but because both rather have 'someone' in their life (even though they are miserable with that someone) than to be alone. So they are weighted down by their own unhappiness, frustrated their life is not what they envisioned, and most likely angry at their partner for not leaving. That last part is always intrigues me because it's easy to be angry at someone else for not doing something, but the question is, "Why have they not left?!" After all, if both partners are unhappy, does it really matter who calls it quits? The unhappiness and frustration just adds more baggage, leaving them with little energy to really be able to utilize the LOA.

It's not just marriages or intimate relationships, the same goes for friends. People generally grow and change over time. Sometimes they grow closer together other times they grow apart. Interests change, goals change; this is not a bad thing. However, some times it means friends have grown apart and the things that once bound them no longer exists. Time spent together is awkward, stilted and more of a chore than a pleasure. Yet, in the back of your mind you are thinking "we've been friends forever, (s)he has been a good friend, how can I just walk away? Yet, the truth is, perhaps it's best to ease away while you each follow your paths. Who knows, you may find your paths cross again down the road or you may find you meet new people who are more aligned to the person you are becoming. We each have our purpose in life and often people come into our lives for a period of time to help us get to the next stage and then they leave. We should be grateful for the time we had together and thankful for the blessings the friendship held for us. Some people journey with us our entire lives, others are there for a shorter period of time and we must honor that, and recognize when we need to let them go so they too can continue on their journey.

The same goes for physical stuff. Closets full of clothes you haven't worn in years merely create clutter and weight. Energetically speaking, 'weight' (whether it's emotional, mental or physical baggage) equals WAIT. So the energetic equation is Weight = WAIT. The more baggage you continue to hold on to and drag through your life, the longer you have to WAIT for Change/New Stuff to enter your life. Think about it. How much easier and faster is it to tavel with only a carry-on bag vs. 3 suitcases packed full of stuff? Now apply that to yourself. How much stuff are you holding on to and dragging through your life? Old emotional hurts/baggage you refuse to release, thoughts of how you were wronged, mistreated, taken advantage of, things you should have said, things you wish you hadn't said, etc., not to mention all the stuff that fills your closets, garage, storage room. It's all weight and the more of it you have, the longer you will WAIT for the things you truly want in life.

We all know how the LOA works. What you focus on you draw into your life. Well, think about it. If energetically you are surrounded by reminders of the past, still in relationships which drag you down, if you still get upset when you think back on something that happened years ago, just how much of your attention and energy is really being used to draw change/new stuff into your life? Not much. In fact, very very little.

Now imagine letting go of all that stuff and freeing up all that weighted energy and then putting it to work on what you do want...WOW imagine the turbo-boost that would give you in creating what you want in life. Imagine the speed in which the changes you desire would be drawed to you.

It's the difference between going cross country on a skateboard or in a Ferrari.

So, the question is, how fast do you really want what you say you want to appear?! The choice, as always, is yours.

Blessings

Ever Wonder Why....

2008-07-28T10:23:00.003-04:00

Have you ever wondered why we can see the potential and greatness in others but we rarely see it in ourselves? or why people say great things about us to others, but never say them directly to us?

Both these thoughts came to mind for me because of something someone said. Ironically, they were repeating something someone had said to them about me. It was all very positive and supportive, but it made me wonder why the person who had actually spoken the words originally never ever said them to me. After all, this is someone who is very close to me, so why did they find it easier to say it about me to someone else rather than say it to me directly?

I decided to try something. I was going to say positive, supportive things directly to people and see what happens. It surprised me when most people's first reaction was one of denial or dismissal. They often said "I didn't do anything really" or "It was nothing, forget about it". Think about it, when was the last time you just said "Thanks!" when someone said something nice about you to you?

Why is it so difficult for us to accept compliments, praise, and thanks? Is it because we truly don't see our own goodness or is it because we judge our efforts as unworthy of notice, or is it something deeper? Do we fear that by acknowledging ourselves we are creating a level of expectation? Do we really just fear our own success? our own power? our own ability?

Have we become so driven that we cannot appreciate the things we do for others or our personal accomplishments? Are we so goal driven that achieving the goal is no longer something to acknowledge and celebrate but is merely a step towards yet another goal?

Having goals and striving to achieve them is great as it gives you direction and focus, something to work towards and achieve. Yet, if this goal was important enough for you to create, commit to and work to achieve, then should it not also be something to acknowledge and perhaps even celebrate? Regardless of what it is, it has been a part of your life, something you have put time, energy and money into, so when someone acknowledges your success, instead of dismissing it as 'nothing' or qualifying it by saying "Yes, but I still have to....." feel a bubble of happiness within you, smile your brightest smile, and simply say THANKS!

Show gratitude and appreciation for your own hard work. You've achieved your goal ~ you should be proud of yourself , as others are of you.

Hurry Up and Wait

2008-07-17T10:23:00.007-04:00

It always intrigues me when people tell me they want to achieve 'this or that' and they hope they will do so quickly; then they create all kinds of blocks to slow themselves down.

Setting goals is fabulous, they give you a sense of purpose, a direction to move in, and something to strive for. Yet the reality of any goal is "change". To most people, change, even good change, is scary because there are a lot of unknowns connected to change and what we don't know, we tend to fear. It's often this unconscious fear that keeps us from doing the things we say we want to do and instead, allows us to continue to do what we have always done even if it makes us unhappy.

So, while we consciously want to reach our goals and create changes in our lives, we are not so sure what other effects these changes will have on our lives. We try to maintain control by slowing down our progress and then bemoan the fact things are not happening fast enough and we are frustrated by it! Our need to know how it will all turn out, what it will look like, how it will feel is the biggest road block we create. No matter what you are striving for it will never turn out exactly as you envision simply because you're probably thinking 'small' rather than daring to dream 'big'.

Logically, if you are striving towards a positive goal and succeed, then it can only impact your life in positive ways. With that in mind, would it not make sense that any 'ripple' effects this change creates would also be positive?

We need to have more faith in ourselves, in our ability to create and reach the goals we set and to believe that all will be as it is meant to be. To trust that when we succeed it will be even more wonderful than we envisioned. When we are able to do this, it's likely things will start happening at quantum speed ~ for it's at this point that we have removed the biggest block from our success path ~ we have finally gotten out of our own way.

Blessings

Grief And Loss

2008-05-29T19:18:00.004-04:00

The grief and sorrow that we experience when someone we love dies is so personal that often we feel that no one really understands what we are experiencing. They cannot possibly relate to what we are feeling; somehow our grief is different from the grief others have experienced.

We have all heard the usual words of comfort from family and friends. "It will be better in time", "At least they are no longer in pain", "You must move forward, take one day at a time", and so many other expressions of condolences. Well meaning words from people who care, we generally accept their words but we don’t believe them to be true. How can things possibly be better in time when we have lost someone who was an integral part of our life?

How often have you heard people say "I just can’t seem to get over losing him/her" or "I feel like my life no longer has purpose now that (s)he is gone" or you notice people just don’t seem to be interested in anything or want to participate in anything since losing a loved one? Grief, sorrow, loss are very personal and yes, everyone handles it in their own way and in their own time. However, what about those who never seem to get past the loss, what holds them back from finding purpose and joy in life again?

There is so much more than mere grief involved in losing a loved one. So much emotion that often is disguised as grief which needs to be healed in order for the grief to be healed. People don’t often examine their grief beyond the level of loss and sorrow. They struggle to release their grief, never really understanding the complexity of emotions woven throughout it and the need to heal all aspects of it in order to heal and move forward with their lives.

Anger, resentment, bitterness, abandonment, regret, guilt, just to name a few, these are emotions people often deny simply because they feel it is wrong of them to feel this way towards the loved one who as passed. Denying the emotions simply delays the healing and over an extended period of time may trigger the onset of health issues. Examining these other emotions may reveal an underlying fear. When you address everything beneath the surface of grief you are better able to finally acknowledge and fully release these emotions, allowing yourself to move forward in life. This doesn’t mean you forget your loved one or that you no longer miss them, it simply means that you have made peace with yourself and your loss.

Some people are able to do this on their own, others need help to understand why they feel the way they do and how they can get past it and move on. Defining the type of help needed is always the first step. Some require a group environment; being with others who have experienced similar losses. A support group atmosphere so they feel they are not alone in the way they feel. Others find solace in their faith whether it is through attending services, prayer, spiritual guidance, spiritual counseling or speaking with their spiritual leader. Still others go for counseling or some other form of guidance to help them gain the understanding and closure they need in order to find peace. No matter what modality is chosen, the underlying energy should be one of understanding and compassion so the person feels supported rather than judged for feeling the way they feel.

The thing to remember is that there is no disrespect in releasing grief. How deeply you grieve is not the measure of how much you love them; your love for them will always shine through your memories of them and your life together. When you release grief, you are not releasing the memory of them, you are simply releasing the emotional pain of losing them has caused you. You will always love and remember them and over time, those memories should bring you comfort and happiness for having been blessed for the time you had together rather than bring you pain and sorrow over losing them.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, allow yourself to acknowledge the 'other' emotions you may be experiencing. Give yourself time as grief often comes in waves where you feel that you are doing OK and then for whatever reason you experience your grief anew. It happens, especially when significant days and/or holidays approach. If you continue to feel overwhelmed and unable to cope, seek out help and allow others to support you in a way that allows you to begin to rebuild your life. While your life will never be the same as having the person here with you, you will eventually, find a way to regain the joy of living.

Blessings.

Seemingly Insignificant

2008-05-21T19:25:00.005-04:00

My dad successfully raced cars for about 35 years. It was his second passion; his first was always mom and the family.

About a month before he passed away, I was googling for some information and strangely, what came up in the list of possible websites, was a message board posting from someone who had purchased one of dad's old race cars. Curiousity got the better of me and I clicked on the link and found that the buyer had little information about the car or dad and was hoping to find out more about both. He was the 3rd owner of the car and his intent was to return it to it's original condition. The only picture he had of the car in it's original condition was one in which the car had been in an accident. I didn't post a reply, instead I bookmarked the site and figured I would talk to dad about 'that car' and would eventually post some information.

Weeks went by and I didn't get around to posting a reply. Then dad passed away unexpectedly. As I was sorting through photos to create photo collages, one of his family life and one of his racing life, I came across a photo of the car in question. Remembering the messageboard post, I dropped the photo into my scanner, scanned it and posted it simply with a message indicating the photo was of the original car with "George" driving it. At the time I didn't mention that I was George's daughter or that my dad had just passed away. It was really simply a quick seemingly insignificant post to me, my only thought was that while I had the picture in hand it would be easier to post it now than wait and try to find it again later.

I did not expect the response I received. The guy who had bought the car was beyond appreciative; saying that I had made his day and asked how I had come across such a perfect picture as he had been looking for one for several years now. In the midst of my grief, I was astounded how this seemingly insignificant act on my part had made someone's day. I could literally feel his happiness and appreciation through his words. I explained to him how I had found his post, that George was my dad and that dad had just passed away and I had come across the photo while putting together photos for his funeral.

He was touched that I would think of posting the picture in the midst of my grief; asked that if and when I was able to, would I consider e-mailing or calling him as he would like to talk to me about dad, the car, and the racing series. He also said that he would not nag me for information that he was so grateful that I had taken the time to post the picture and he would wait for me to contact him when I was ready. I told him I would be in touch when I was able.

It's been two months since that first post. Yesterday, I sat down and started to go through the first of many (many!) boxes of racing stuff that dad had. Photos, documents, newspaper articles. It will take literally months to go through everything. My ultimate goal is to put together a scrapbook of dad's racing career. As I do, I am also keeping an eye out for things that pertain to this particular car so I can pass it on to the new owner. Dad would want me to help this guy; it's what he would have done.

At dad's funeral, so many people told us about things dad had said to them that impacted their lives. Things that on the surface would be seemingly insignificant to most, yet, touched the person's life in unimaginable ways; giving them the inspiration, guidance, encouragement or whatever they needed at that moment in their lives. It makes me realize how often we touch the lives of others in ways we don't even realize; seemingly insignificant moments we barely remember, yet for that other person, it was a pivotal moment. A word, a deed, a smile, a pat on the back, no matter what it was it made all the difference in the world to the person at that time.

So, my friends, as you go through your day to day life, do not underestimate the impact you have on those around you; every time you interact with someone you touch their life in ways that are not always visable, but just because they are invisable to you, it doesn't mean they are not powerful. In a brief moment of time, you could change a person forever and not even know it. So, be positive, be supportive, be kind, you never know the impact you are really having on someone.

Blessings