Friday, August 17, 2012

I Forgive You....

We've all been there.  That place where we have been hurt and/or betrayed, our heart, our faith, our trust shattered.  A place where someone we care about, someone we love, someone we thought we 'knew' has said or done something which cuts into us like a long sharp knife.  Once the initial shock is past, once we have time to think about what was said and done, what happens next?  Where do we go from here?

Do we forgive them?  Do we hate them? Do we relive the event over and over trying to figure out who was right, who was wrong, what really happened?  Do we let it fester and eat away at us?  Do we allow it to destroy our ability to trust, love or have faith in others?  Do we allow it to create a 'wall of protection' around  us so no one will ever get close enough to hurt us again?   Do we look for a lesson within the event?  Was there a higher purpose to it?  What do we do, what choice do we make, how do we move forward from here?

Its not easy to forgive; I mean to really forgive.  The kind of forgiveness that frees you from reliving the event through talking about it over and over again.  Forgiveness that allows you to 'let it go' completely, so you are not beating yourself up with comments like "I should have known", "I should have guessed", "How could I have been so blind/stupid/naive", "why does this keep happening to me?"  Forgiveness that forgives the other person to the point where you are OK that they are alive and well; and that you are able to forgive yourself for the part you played in the event as well.  You see, you need to forgive yourself as well as them because in order for whatever happened to happen, you had to be a part of it, you had a role in its creation.

Now before you flip out and say "It wasn't MY fault, s/he did..."  Let me give you a different perspective to toy with; something to turn over in your mind, and see how you feel about things that have happened in the past that you may still be holding onto.

Consider, just for a moment, that before you entered your current life, you were in a different dimension.  Somewhere where emotions were non-existent because there was only love.  In this place, everyone gathers with plans to experience 'life on earth'.  Discussing things they want to experience, to learn, find out about, play with, in short, they want to live the human existence.  In this place, everything sounds so exciting, fun, and those who will be part of our earth experience gather together and agree to help us as we agree to help them.  

So, let's say you want to learn about forgiveness, trust and faith while on earth.  How awesome is that going to be?  Everyone wants to help, so some agree they will meet you on earth and will help you with these lessons.  How?  Well, in order for you to learn forgiveness, they are going to hurt and betray you because how else will you learn to forgive, to trust again, to have faith in others?  Ouch, that's going to hurt! However, in the realm in which these agreements were made, there is no hurt or pain, no betrayal, there is only love; a love so encompassing that others are willing to play the part of the villain in your earth experience simply so you can learn the lessons you chose; and we are blessed and grateful that they are willing to do this for us.

Of course once we get into a physical body on earth we don't see it this way simply because we don't remember the contracts we made.  If we did, the lessons and the learning wouldn't happen.  So here we are, in a physical body, hurt and betrayed needing to think things through, understand how we feel and try to decide whether we want to hold on to our pain, release it, or transform it.

When we hold on to it, it eats away at us.  While we think we are angry at the other person, rarely does our anger affect them, usually because we want nothing to do with them and avoid them at all costs.  It does however, affect us, physically, mentally, emotionally and yes even spiritually.   We begin to see our life through the filter of anger, it touches everything we do and everyone we come in contact with.  I'm sure you've met people who are just angry all the time over everything; do you want to be one of them?

Since we don't want to be angry all the time, we need to find a way to forgive which can be easier said than done.  Perhaps if we are able to even briefly step out of our emotional pain and look at the event through the filter of  'soul contract/life lesson' we might be able to figure out the lesson.  To be able to do is, is a blessing because it makes it easier to forgive and once we recognize and learn the lesson, we no longer experience similar events.  If something keeps happening to you, its because you haven't learned the core lesson, so the lesson keeps coming through different people and events.  So, just for a moment, think about a past betrayal/hurt - see it as though you were looking at it from the outside in, what do you see?  Do you see yourself in a relationship where you were playing a role rather than being who you really are?  Do you see a point where you were 'walking on eggshells' or 'playing the peacekeeper' just to try to maintain balance in the relationship?  Perhaps you were putting everyone else's needs above your own and felt neglected, unworthy, unloved?  What lesson does the event really hold for you when you look through this new perspective, keeping in mind all lessons/learnings are positive?  

When we have that aha moment, where we come to terms with the event, figure out the lesson, forgive all involved including ourselves, we can then transform it from a point of betrayal to a point of self-awareness and enlightenment.  Once we have forgiven them, we can then decide if forgiveness includes continuing the relationship within a new framework/dynamic or blessing it for the lesson it gave us and releasing it.  If we choose to release it, we release it by wishing the other person well and knowing in our hearts we truly mean it.