Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Seeing Through My Eyes

Most people I encounter as some point will say to me "I wish I could see what you see".  While I understand their curiosity and desire to see intuitively I'm pretty certain the novelty would quickly fade when they realize how "seeing what I see" impacts their daily life.

While intuitive sight is amazing, it can also be both challenging and at times, quite frankly, a burden. 

I learned at a very young age that all that I see is not necessarily meant to be shared with others; not everyone is open to knowing or wants to know.  More importantly, I had to create my own sense of integrity; recognizing that just because I can see/read others it does NOT give me the right to do so without their permission. For me, reading people without their permission or knowledge is a violation of their privacy; it would be like reading their diary.  I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so I make every effort to avoid reading others unless they expressly request a reading.

While on the surface this may seem like no big deal, it's actually quite challenging at times.  Imagine how it would affect your relationship(s).  Just imagine how the other person would feel, knowing you were able to see aspects of them that they would rather keep hidden or private.  We all have our secrets, those things we don't want to share about ourselves for whatever reason.  So imagine how vulnerable you would feel, how exposed, if you were with someone who could, potentially, see those things you want to keep personal and private.  How would you feel, knowing your life is like an open book to them and you don't have the same access to theirs?   There is a level of vulnerability involved that most people would never experience within the dynamics of a relationship and a feeling that it is a little one sided.  While at first your partner may find your ability fascinating/intriguing over time it may be the thing that ends the relationship.

Consider too, how it impacts friends and family.  When you are around those who are closest to you, you are more relaxed and less vigilant about guarding against reading them or what's going on around them.  Your emotional connection to them is an easy gateway and without consciously trying you are often given images or messages and with a start you draw back to once again maintain that boundary.  More than once I've had someone close to me ask why I only glance at them from time to time instead of maintaining eye contact when we talk; its because I am having a difficult time maintaining that boundary and don't want to intrude on their privacy.  I am, quite honestly, working hard not to see.  Just for a moment, imagine looking at your best friend and seeing their archetypes and their deceased loved ones all standing around them, its more than a little distracting especially when you are having a conversation and want to be fully present for them.

What happens when someone is ill and all anyone wants to hear is that their loved one is/will get better; yet what you see and are being told is that their time is running out.  Robbing others of hope is not the way to go, yet neither is lying.  It's incredibly hard to find a way to be supportive that is honest to them and to your vision at the same time.  Even more so when its someone you are close to.

The other thing is I don't always see 'everything' and not everything I see always makes sense to me at the time.  There have been times when I have seen something and been unable to understand it or to clearly see the details enough to explain it and for me that is the most unsettling part.  Knowing 'something' is about to happen but not fully knowing the when and where and just having to wait it out.

For all the challenges intuitive sight creates, there is an up side to it.  When channeled into something worthwhile, it can make all the difference in the world.  I have taken this ability and applied it to my work with others using it to see the patterns running through my clients lives and using the information obtained to help them transform their lives.  Everything is inter-connected.  Their past, present and future; their mind, body and spirit woven together in a way that creates their Soul Contract for this lifetime.  As I work with them and see them through intuitive sight, I am able to bring aspects of who they are to the surface through their Archetypes; allow them to heal their past and their history through quantum transformation so the process is fast; and assist them in creating the future they desire.

The gift of intuitive sight isn't meant to only benefit the one who has it.  The gift is meant to be used to provide insight and guidance to others in a way that will ultimately support their spiritual growth and assist them as they journey along their life path.  This is the blessing of the gift ~ the ability to help others recognize their highest potential in this lifetime and to then encourage them to live it; as I strive to do each and every day.

Blessings ~

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Me? Stubborn? Nope!

There are a few things I always tell my clients:

  1. It's all about you, just not in the way you think it is
  2. Just because I've spent (literally) decades studying and practicing the work I do, it does not make me exempt from experiencing life/soul lessons.  We're all on the same bus, the only difference is I'm the driver. 
  3. If you are willing to examine your life through your archetypes & symbolism you will be amazed at how clear the lessons become and how the cosmic 2x4 to the head is no longer needed to create awareness in your life.
  4. How many times do you have to see, hear or experience something before you take it as a sign or a belief? (in other words, what's your convincer number?)
Which brings me to a day in early July and an exchange of Facebook posts between my friends and I on my personal page.  It all began with a simple post by me stating that due to torrential rain my finished basement had sustained water damage and I had endeavored to remove the wall to wall carpeting covering a 15x33 ft. room alone and only managed to get about 1/3 of it done before my arms gave out.  (For those who don't know, over the years I have broken several fingers, severely broken both elbows and a shoulder - which is another story for another time).  

Anyway, my simple post turned into a long exchange of comments from my friends, first asking why I didn't call any of them for help.  To be honest, it never crossed my mind to call them (as I told them) which then turned the posts into comments about me being stubborn which I didn't agree with and at the same time found to be pretty funny because they were insistent that I was, indeed, stubborn.  While I understood their concern, I didn't see how my not thinking to call for help equaled me being stubborn. 

Here's where the points I mentioned above come into this. This was about me; not about the way my friends perceived me or my actions, but instead about something I needed to learn about myself and no, it was not about learning I was stubborn, it was much deeper than that.  I practice what I preach, so I looked at the situation through a different perspective, as though the situation had happened to a client rather than me. I figured out which of my archetypes where involved, what their involvement was and the symbolic message that had been delivered to me via my friends.  I truly believe in the depth of this work and how powerful it can be if one takes the time to examine their life symbolically.  My Guide archetype felt this was the ideal experience to share, so others would be able to see, hear and really grasp how archetypes are part of your every day world.

Here's how it unfolded through the symbolic and archetypal messages.   I went down to the basement to check on things the morning after the storm (that's my Visionary wanting to see things).  What I found was wall to wall carpeting soaked from the walls to about 4ft towards the center of the room.  I needed to do something about it (that's my Alchemist wanting to change it).  I pulled up quarter round from around the base of the walls and started to tear out carpet (that's my Shape-shifter turning into a "minion" to get the work done).  It was as simple and as fast as one, two, three.  Through the Light aspect, my Visionary, my Alchemist and my Shape-shifter had effectively stepped up and into the situation without my conscious thought, so its really not surprising that I didn't call anyone.  I'm not blaming my archetypes for not calling others for help, they are not scapegoats, I am merely showing how quickly,  unconsciously,  and active they are in every moment of our lives.  Now, I could have ended my examination of the situation there, however, one has to look deeper if you are really going to uncover what's really going on because this had only shown me how I got from checking on the basement to pulling up carpeting without too much thought in between. 

So while my friends had asked "why didn't you call?"  my answer was still valid and true; it didn't cross my mind.  The bigger question, the important question had not been asked directly, so I had to ask it myself.  "Why didn't it cross your mind to call anyone?"   There it was and it had nothing to do with being stubborn, however, it does have everything to do with a couple more of my archetypes, symbolism and insight into a bigger lesson.

Here's where my Rescuer, my Orphan Child, and my Victim wander into this. (I recently wrote about the Rescuer archetype here: To The Rescue if you want more insight into this particular archetype.)

So to answer the "why didn't it cross your mind to call anyone?" The Shadow side of these archetypes stepped into the mix.  In the past, my Rescuer had spent years rescuing others believing that others would race to rescue me when I needed it, yet when I called, no one came.  When no one came, it triggered my Orphan Child into believing that "I have to do it alone" and the Victim believed that "no one really cares because if they did, they would have dropped everything (as my Rescuer always did) and race to help me. "

Now, let me make this very very clear.  This is about me, my perception, my beliefs, my feelings.  It is not about my friends.  (Remember point #1 - It's all about you, just not the way you think it is).  I have a two time convincer which means at some point in my past, I had asked for help and no one came, and it had been something I had experienced twice thus fulfilling my two time convincer strategy.  Therefore, I became convinced that no one would ever come when I needed them most.  This very limiting (and untrue) belief triggered feelings of being abandoned (Orphan Child) and that triggered the Victim into "no one cares". The two time convincer is a pattern, one that I created some time in my childhood.  Looking back I can see the pattern ripple through my life.  While it has shifted as I've grown older, it hasn't shifted fully out of the Shadows of these archetypes, it has just shifted enough not to trigger them.  

You see, there is a vast difference between 'not being triggered' and the Light Aspect of these archetypes. The easy way to not trigger the Shadows of my Rescuer, Orphan Child and Victim was to simply stop asking others for help.  If I don't ask there is no expectation of being rescued, no sense of abandonment when others can't come to my rescue and no feeling of being alone and unloved. 

From the Light Aspect, the Rescuer would not even be part of this trio.  Instead my Pioneer would step in (with a let's try something new attitude), my Orphan Child would recognize there are always people around who are willing and able to help you if you ask, and my Victim would recognize that some times people want to help but are unable to and that's OK, it simply means you need to ask someone else to help.

See the difference? 

So through this seemingly random Facebook post about wet carpet and my friends insistence that I was stubborn, I found Shadows lurking that I wasn't consciously aware of.  It created the perfect opportunity for me to look within, to gain perspective and to transform Shadows into Light.  The lesson came gently, through the love and concern of friends rather than the cosmic 2x4 to the head.  Believe me, awareness of my archetypes, looking for the symbolic meaning in events, and being able to see the patterns makes it easier to understand and grasp my life lessons without the need to blow up my life in order to 'get it'. 

It is something we can all do if we choose.  The more you are willing to look within to understand, the easier it becomes to identify your archetypal patterns and relate them to your everyday life.  The better you relate to them, the more aware you become.  The more aware you become, the more clarity you gain and with clarity comes understanding - of yourself and others and how we are all inter-connected and are here to help each other with our life lessons.

When seen through the eyes of symbolic sight and archetypal patterning, it all comes together beautifully, perfectly and often gives us insight into the "why did this happen" aspect of our life.  We may not be able to grasp all of it, but the threads we are able to pull together help us weave the greater pattern of our life/soul contract and to me that is the most amazing thing to become conscious of.

To my friends who were directly involved in this lesson, I love you and thank you ~ you are all blessings in my life.  I know I can (and will) call on you when I need help because now I have the conscious awareness to think of you and ask.


Thursday, June 20, 2013

To The Rescue

Do you know a superhero?  The kind of person who is always rescuing others?  Are you that person?  If so, then I have news for you, it may be time you put away your cape and tights because you may be doing more harm than good.

Having been a Superhero/Rescuer all my life, I am well aware of what I am saying.  I know how deeply the desire to save others, especially loved ones, courses through us; and at what cost.  You see, I put away my tights and cape a few years ago and it wasn't easy. 

We see someone struggling, in pain (whether its physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) and we immediately want to rush in and save them because we "know" we can.  Our intentions are pure - or are they?

Sometimes they are and sometimes not and most of the time we deny the real reason we are rescuing others.  More often than not, we rescue with the secret (mostly unconscious) hope of receiving something in return .  That something can be any number of things:  appreciation, recognition, acknowledgement, love, the list goes on and depending on who it is we are rescuing, what we hope to receive changes.

I can hear you from here, denying that you are secretly hoping for something in return.  Perhaps, once in a while you may just rescue someone without any hidden hopes,  but it really depends on the kind of rescuer you are. 

So, let's just get a feel for the Rescuer/Superhero and see what they look like:

The Lifeguard
Think in terms of a real lifeguard.  Their job is to ensure those in the water are safe.  However, at the first sign of trouble they dive right in, their focus and intent is all on the person in trouble; to rescue them and ensure they are safe.    They reach the person, instruct them to calm them down, focus, and then to have the rescuee participate in their own rescue.  Once both are on land, the lifeguard ensures the individual is OK and one of two things happen:  either the person needs medical attention, in which case the lifeguard calls for medical assistance and once it arrives, the lifeguard's job is done. Or the person is OK and then they lifeguard and individual part ways.  Once the initial crisis is over, the lifeguard's job is done.

Now let's take a look at a different kind of rescuer, I like to call this one:

 Mr or Ms Dependable
We all know someone (or perhaps its us) who can be relied on no matter what.  They are there in a flash, as if by magic, picking up the pieces, sorting things out, fixing everything and making it all better...and they do it time and time again.  No matter who calls or how often, they are there.  They are there because they care; because they love the person they are helping; because they want to help.  They step in and take over the majority of the responsibility to the point where the person being rescued doesn't really need to do too much.

Sometimes though, its a double edged sword because Mr. or Ms. Dependable helps others all the time, they get to the point where they begin to feel taken advantage of and feel that those they have helped should be more appreciative or grateful or loving or "you-fill-in-the-blank".  As time passes, and Mr/Ms. Dependable continue to rescue and continue to feel their efforts go unacknowledged; resentment begins to build and it eventually becomes anger.  The funny thing about the anger is only part of it is directed at the person who is being rescued,  the majority is directed at themselves for allowing themselves to be used, unappreciated, neglected and/or taken advantage of.  There is either a blow up where feelings get voiced (through anger) or Mr/Ms Dependable just distance themselves from those unappreciative individuals; only to repeat the pattern with new people who 'need them' because feeling needed is part of the reason why a rescuer rescues.

Finally, there's our Superhero Rescuer

Oh the Superhero.  Willing to do anything, everything, to save the day.  They are a super-sized Mr./Ms. Dependable.  Going above and beyond the typical rescue and literally stepping in to save others; whether its from themselves or from others.  Superheroes take the "I'll take care of things for you, you don't have to worry" attitude to the extreme.  So much so that the person being rescued doesn't have to do a thing other than allow the Superhero to everything for them.  They are free from responsibility, the Superhero is shouldering that, they can do whatever they want because if it doesn't work out, the Superhero will fix it.

So, like in the Superhero movies, the person being rescued doesn't do a thing to try to free themselves, they take no responsibility for the crisis they are in, its never their fault, they take on the role of the 'victim' and they simply wait around to be rescued.   Speaking of which, have you noticed in the movies that the same person seems to constantly need rescuing over and over again?  And that each rescue becomes bigger, more dramatic, more life-threatening?  Art imitates life my friends.  How often have you rescued the same person from a situation only to have them repeat the pattern again and again, each time the circumstances become worse?  While the Superhero's desire to save the day is based in good intention, what they are actually helping to create is an expectation and dependency on the rescuee's part.  If someone knows you are going to rush in and save them no matter what and they don't have worry or deal with the consequences of their actions/choices, then really, why would they do anything different? If we allow them to become dependent on us, then why are we surprised/annoyed/angry when they call and we go running?  They will continue to do things that will ultimately bring us running to save them, they simply have to wait for us to pull on our tights and cape.  So if we want this to change, their behavior needs to change, which means, we first have to change how we behave in response to them.  Yes, its about us.  We need to change first; we need to pack away the tights and cape.

So where does this leave those of us who have a Rescuer archetype?  Where rescuing is a part of who we are?  Well, it brings us back to the Lifeguard.  You see, as Rescuers, we need to adopt the Lifeguard mode of rescuing.  You dive in when there is a cry for help. (you cannot help or save those who do not want to be helped or saved, remember that!  If they aren't calling then you're not to dive in).  You make sure the person you are rescuing is taking part in their own rescue.  In other words, they are contributing through active participation in saving themselves, you are there to ASSIST them, not to do it for them.  Once they are on land (metaphorically speaking) and breathing, your job is done.  It is up to them to move forward from this point: they can choose to learn to swim or to stay away from deep water or to wear a life preserver when in the water.  They need to take responsibility for their choices and decisions moving forward.  

Rescue those who need your help and are willing to help themselves. By doing so you will meet the needs of your Rescuer by being of help/service to others in a time of crisis.  At the same time, you will be appreciated by those you rescue because you're giving them the opportunity to choose to become empowered by taking responsibility for their own decisions and choices moving forward.

As always, the choice is yours.


Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Just Ask

"The answer will always be 'no' unless you ask"

Why is it people have such a difficult time asking for what they want?  Is it really because they believe the answer will be 'no' or is it, perhaps, because they fear the answer may actually be 'yes'?

Remember when you were a kid, you had no problem asking for what you wanted.  It didn't mean you always got it, but you asked (and sometimes pleaded, bargained or begged) fearlessly; hopefully; and with the belief that somehow the answer would be 'yes'.  What happened to that child?  When did you decide that asking for what you want was a bad idea?  If you were to know, at what point did you decide that there was no sense in asking because the answer is always going to be 'no'?

When I was in corporate, I was always amazed at the number of colleagues who wouldn't ask their boss for what they needed.  Whether it was help on a project, more training, flex hours, a raise, a promotion, you name it, they wouldn't ask.  You see, they had already decided the boss would say 'no' to their request so in their mind, there was no point in even asking. At the same time they were resentful of some of their colleagues, who, in their eyes, the boss favored by giving their colleagues all kinds of opportunities while they alone continued to struggle in silence.

One of the key differences though, was not a matter of favoritism, but one of asking and knowing how to ask.  It's not just about asking for what you want, it's about being able to see the bigger picture; being able to fully grasp how what you are asking for will not only benefit you but others as well.  It's about asking in a way that will ensure you will be heard and understood.   It doesn't matter if you are asking the boss for the opportunity to take a training course or if you are asking your kids to help out around the house; how you ask is as important as what you are asking for because others need to be able to relate how your ask is not only for your benefit but for the greater good of all.

Of course, this applies only when you actually want the answer to be 'yes'.  There are times when individuals actually don't ask because they are afraid the answer will be yes.  They are conflicted; part of them wants the answer to be yes, yet part of them fears what will happen if the answer is yes.  I know, it seems strange and perhaps a hard concept to really wrap your mind around, however, there are individuals who rather blame the boss/friend/family member for saying 'no' without ever asking them than run the risk of asking and getting a yes.

How is this possible?  Why on earth would they do it?  Well, it's a self-sabotage behavior they created at some point in their life to keep them safe. Safe in this case means things remain the same.  The problem with always being safe is if nothing changes then you are stuck!  Let me use the opportunity to take a training course as an example.

For someone who really wants to take the course is willing to ask, they are going to ensure they are fully prepared before asking.  They willingly share the details of the training, demonstrate how it fits into their job, the department, the company.  In other words, why taking this training course would be a win-win.

For someone who is conflicted, they are either not going to ask and bemoan the fact they never get the opportunities others do or they will ask in a way that will guarantee the answer will be no.  Either way the end result ensures they are 'safe' because they will not be put in a position of having to take the training.  After all, what if, they take the training and it increases their workload?  What if, they take the training and are not able to implement what they have learned?  What if, they take the training and are unable to grasp it? " What if...."  In their minds the 'what ifs' are risks they are unwilling to take, it is safer not to take the training than run the risk of taking it and making things worse for themselves.  Yet the problem is, by not taking the training they are missing an opportunity to learn and grow which may in turn limit their ability to move up through the company or to act on other opportunities simply because their fear of 'what if' has them completely stuck.

Most people need to learn how to ask for what they want.  Asking takes a lot of the drama, angst, resentment and fear out of our lives.  It creates healthier relationships both at work and at home.  Asking for what we want takes out the need for others attempt to read our minds.  Clarity, transparency, open communication with the intention of a win-win scenario makes for a happier, more harmonious and productive relationships both at the office and at home.  

While you may not always get a 'yes' to your every request, if you never ask you are guaranteed the answer will always be no.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you Just Ask!


Saturday, May 25, 2013

Boxed In

It happens, a lot.  Family members do it, friends do it, employers do it, we even do it.  "What is it?" you ask. It's boxing someone into our perception of them; unknowingly (or sometimes knowingly) limiting them because we don't want to see them any other way than the way we have always seen them.

People attempt to keep their lives orderly by sorting through and labeling things and people, either consciously or metaphorically putting them in boxes so they know exactly what's what and who's who.  While that works great for things, it doesn't work for people. Problem is, most people want to learn and grow, want to try new things, have new experiences; not just stay in a rut of status quo (boxed in).  This desire often conflicts with the perception others have of them and its frustrating both for the individual seeking change and for their family and friends who don't want to see the individual in any other perspective.

I'd like to give you a few examples, so you can really grasp this and examine it to see where you are boxing in others and how and where they are boxing you in. This is not about finding blame, its about recognizing the pattern/behavior in yourself and others so you can address it in a way which will remove the box and open up choice and opportunity.  So let's begin with a workplace example.

An employee who is exceptionally good at their job likely has a boss who knows and appreciates it.  However, what if the employee would like to do something else? Take on a different aspect of the work or perhaps even apply for a position elsewhere in the company; in other words take a step up.  They are looking for an opportunity to grow and learn, to take a risk of sorts, take on something that will challenge them instead of continuing to do the same old thing.  Problem is, the boss can't see (or doesn't want to see) their other talents and abilities because they're so good at what they're doing now.  The boss may say to them, "You're so great at this, you have a natural talent/ability for it, why would you want to go and do 'that' instead?"  While its likely it's meant as a compliment, it holds the employee back and while it may be OK for a while, eventually the employee get frustrated and bored.  Frustration and boredom lead to dissatisfaction and they begin to look to other companies, hoping to find an opportunity that will inspire and challenge them.  End result is the boss and company loses a great employee simply because they couldn't see past the box they had put the employee in.

Of course this challenge works both ways.  Sometimes changing companies doesn't solve the problem.  Potential employers may look at your resume and only see what you have been currently doing and not pay attention to your past experience, knowledge or skill set.  This too can be frustrating because the truth is, we are so much more than what we do.  Most people, given the opportunity are anxious to learn and experience new things; to wrap their minds around new technology, to strive to improve on what they already know and to be an active part of a company and to contribute not only the skills they already have but also the skills they have been developing or want to develop.  Just because we want to do something else, try something new, it doesn't mean we have forgotten everything we knew previously; it simply means we want to expand our knowledge, become better, more rounded, engaged employees.  

Visionary employers see both the experience and the potential.  They are able to fully grasp how the varying skill sets of a current or future employee can be utilized and expanded upon; giving the employee room to grow within the company.  These leaders with vision understand, encourage and support their employees desire for advancement because they know employees who are interested in their own growth and development are going to be employees who are engaged in the growth and progress of the company as a whole.

It's this vision, this ability to see potential, we all need to develop in our professional lives and especially in our personal lives.  Imagine how much happier and healthier our children would be if we allowed them to try a variety of sports or musical instruments or arts.   So very often a child shows a natural ability/skill in a certain sport or artistic talent and suddenly it becomes the only focus.  The child may express an interest in something else in a wistful tone, "It would be cool to try that" only to be told, "Why would you want to when you're so good at....".   So the child is boxed into this very limiting perception of their abilities by their parents. The child may then grow to hate the thing they are good at simply because it has stopped them from experiencing other things.   Who is to say they can't be good at more than one thing?

As a parent, a teacher, a mentor, you should be encouraging them to experience and try different things.  It is through trying and experiencing they develop an appreciation for a variety of activities, cultures and even the differing personalities of others.  If you close them off to opportunities as children, it is unlikely they will seek out opportunities as adults.  Encouraging healthy activities where there is an opportunity to learn and grow, to take on challenges, to work with others whether its on a team or in social activities are all things we need to encourage and develop in our children if we want them to be happy healthy adults.

Which brings us to our adult family members and our friends.  Are we boxing them in or are we supporting their desire for growth?  We like to see our family and friends happy and the tendency is to see 'happy' as 'secure'.  Security in this day and age usually means financially secure, so we don't like to see those we love taking unnecessary risks which may jeopardize their financial security and ultimately make them (and us) unhappy.  While we like to believe we are "always there for them",  "in their corner", that we've "got their back", do we really?  If your spouse, parent, adult child, or best friend came to you and said "I want to quit my job and do "x" instead"  What would you say?

Odds are it would be very similar to the comments the boss I mentioned above would say. "But why?  You are good at your job, you make good money, you have security there, why would you want to risk all that and do "x" instead?"  We need to take a step back, to look through their eyes at the challenge/risk they want to undertake. We need to listen to them and by that I mean we really need to hear them, not just listen enough to answer or argue the point.  Are they passionate about it?  Do they have a plan?  Are they committed to it?  Have they thought it through? Weighed the pros and cons? and most importantly, is there something you can do to help them succeed? Whether its offering knowledge, experience, encouragement or support, whatever you can do will show them you truly are in their corner more than mere words ever will.

And finally, there is one more box; the box we put ourselves into.  How others perceive us and our desire to be the image of what others perceive us to be puts us into a self-created box.  Living up to the expectations and perceptions of others leaves very little room to be who we truly are.  After a while, the frustration builds to anger and resentment, leading to an emotional blow up and relationships shatter.

However, the importance of being who you are, being true to you, is the foundation of a healthy relationship simply because if you are not being you, then the entire relationship is built on a lie.  So, if you have boxed yourself in, its time to start to take the steps needed to step out of the box.  Allow others to see you as you.  It may surprise you to find out they love you just the same or more.  Those who don't, well, they didn't love you in the first place,  they simply loved their perception of you.

Once you've stepped out of your self-imposed box, ask yourself, "who am I boxing in?" and what can I do now to take them out of the box I've put them in so I can see them as they are, an individual with a multitude of talents and even more potential than I ever realized.


Monday, April 8, 2013

Standing In The Doorway

We've all been there at some point in our lives.  Standing in the doorway between comfortable/familiar and the scary/unknown.  Funny thing is, there are two very different paths that lead to this doorway, yet regardless of which path brought you here, you will either unwillingly or willingly have to cross the threshold into the unknown.

The first path is one you are forced to take and by 'forced' I mean you have been stubbornly resisting taking the action needed.  The Universe, in its infinite wisdom has shown you the signs, given you ample opportunities to create the necessary change; to walk willingly to the doorway. Even though you have seen the signs, felt the nudges and heard the whispers, you chose to ignore them all, stubbornly holding on to the familiar even though it may not be comfortable, may not be bringing you happiness and may in fact be the source of your discontentment/unhappiness.  So, with your best interests at heart, the Universe whacks you upside the head with the cosmic 2x4 to get your full attention.

When you feel as though your life is falling apart and you are desperately trying to hold things together, take a deep breath, take a step back to gain perspective and ask yourself "is what I am desperately trying to hold on to serving my highest purpose or am I merely trying to hold onto it out of fear?"  Odds are, its the fear of the unknown.  The tighter you hold on, the harder it becomes to hold on.  You become so focused on trying to hold things together that you are pouring all your time and energy into it and yet, it seems like it continues to crumble regardless of your efforts.  If it no longer serves a purpose and you're trying to cling to it, the Universe is going to make it impossible for you to keep it.

So what if, instead of hanging on, you let go?  Scary as the thought may be and as challenging as it may be to take the leap of faith needed to let go you may find it will save you.  How many times have you heard (or even said) "I never saw it coming"?   The truth is, there are always signs.  The problem is, most of the time we choose to either ignore them or pretend we're not really seeing them.  What if, instead of denying or ignoring the signs we took them to heart?  What if, we chose to be pro-active instead of reactive?  Taking the time to create a strategy, a contingency plan so that we were prepared to act and move forward rather than clinging to what is falling down around us asking 'why'.

I speak from experience.  When I was in corporate, I knew for six months prior to being told that I was going to be downsized out of a job.  I could see the signs and rather than ignoring them, I chose to embrace it for what it was:  an opportunity to do something different.  So, I began to look into courses I wanted to take; I figured out how much money I had saved, how much I would need to pay bills, and how much work I would need to bring in, in order to continue to pay the bills.  I also updated my resume, ensuring that it reflected the work I did because there's nothing worse than trying to update a resume after you've been let go, especially if you had chosen not to see the signs.

So, when I was finally told that I would be out of a job, I took it in stride.  I had a plan, I knew what my priorities were and what I needed to do.  My focus and my energy were engaged in moving forward rather than trying to cling to what was falling apart. Strangely, my colleagues were far more upset about the news of my departure than I was.  Perhaps because somewhere, in the back of their minds they were thinking "Oh Gosh, it could have been me!".

The bottom line is this:  You get to choose how much time and energy you are going spend and whether you are going to spend it "trying to hold on" or on "moving forward"  both will eventually bring you to the doorway between comfortable/familiar and scary/unknown.  The difference is merely one of perception and direction.  One focuses on what is coming to an end, the other focuses on potential & opportunity that new beginnings always create.  Wouldn't you rather put your efforts into what is coming into your life rather than what is leaving?

As always, the choice is yours.


Monday, January 7, 2013

The Choices We Make

So often we believe 'things would have been different if we had chosen B instead of choosing A' and while part of that is true because it would have been different, it doesn't mean it would have been better.

The choices we make and the people in our lives are there to help us with our life lessons.  There are no 'wrong choices or decisions' when it comes to following your life path/purpose or learning life lessons.  Our lives are woven together in time and space, bringing us people, opportunities and choices.  Do we choose to act upon the opportunity now or do we shy away from it?  Are we ready to face our Destiny or do we still need to experience other aspects of life first in order it be congruent and ready to step into our own power?  Are we ready to acknowledge the meaning and purpose someone else has in our life or do we hide from the deep emotion we feel?

Each choice we make is a step towards our own growth and transformation, for each choice brings change into our life.  With each change comes more choices, more opportunities to grow, gain insight, glimpse one's highest potential and one's purpose.  Your experiences shape you making you unique and giving you unlimited opportunities to choose how you are going to live now.  Choices you made days, weeks. months, even years ago have brought you to this point in time, the question is, what choices are you making now and where will those choices take you moving forward?

We often view our choices as 'final' in that if we choose "A" we are stuck with "A" no matter what.  Yet this is not the case.  There are an infinite number of choices, a continual flow of them, so if we chose "A" and find that its not what we really wanted or expected, then its time to choose something else; or you can choose to stick with "A" because that too is a choice which is available to you.

The only time we are truly stuck with our choice is when we refuse to see what other choices are available; when we choose to become a victim of our circumstances rather than the co-creator of our life. That too is a choice, however, there is little to gain from it in the long run.

View your life as a series of choices, each has the potential to change your life regardless if you choose "A" or "B".  The important part is you recognize you always have choice because once you realize it, you are less likely to worry about making the wrong choice and less likely to become a victim of the choices you make.

Consider every choice you make a step towards where you are meant to be.   There are many ways to get to where you are going and you get to choose every step of the way.