Tuesday, September 23, 2014

In An Instant

Twice in my life I have witnessed horrific deaths.  Once when I was 14, and the second time was just weeks ago.  Both instances changed me and my life in an instant. 

The first was a bus accident in which four friends were killed instantly and many others seriously injured.  I had originally gotten on that bus, found there wasn’t a seat available for me and had to get off and instead board the bus behind it.  In that instant, fate had moved me out of the role of accident victim and into the role of witness. 

That instant was a sign, though I didn’t know or understand it at the time.  You see, because of that accident and the loss of those friends, I began delving into what has become my life’s work.  At 14, I was trying to cope with the sudden, horrific, tragic loss of friends who were my age.  I was also trying to understand why I had been spared.   It had to be more than sheer luck.  I sought out answers in books on mysticism, life purpose, death and reincarnation, spiritualism, I even studied channeling and esoteric works. 

Through that instant, my life path was revealed, not fully, just enough to move me in the direction I needed to go.  As I continued to journey along my Path, I met teachers and seekers alike.  Some who helped me further my knowledge and understanding, others whom I helped; all have guided and assisted me and I have been blessed to have met them.

In recent months I have been feeling restless, frustrated, as though I was looking for direction, a sign of some sort.  I felt I should be doing something more or something different, yet I had no clear idea of what that was and it frustrated me.

This restlessness haunted me and filled my thoughts especially whenever I was alone.  As I mulled it over one day while I was sitting in traffic at a red light, annoyed that I still didn’t have any clarity, I looked up and witnessed a shooting. Stunned, I watched in horror as in an instant, a life was taken and in that same instant, mine had been changed irrevocably.   

In the moments, hours, days and weeks since, my mind has struggled with trying to comprehend “why”.  Why was I there?  Why was I a witness?  Why, once again, was I spared?  Does this too, tie into the work I am meant to do in this lifetime?  I don’t have the answer, yet I do know this: my life has changed in ways I could not have imagined.  Some things I took for granted are now challenging and at the same time, I have gained a new perspective and appreciation for all the little daily things that happen that make life worthwhile.  It is, at times both scary and intriguing. 

While I am seeking out ways to overcome the challenges the shooting created, I am also finding that I am living more fully in the moment and appreciating who and what I have in my life.  I cannot change what happened; I can only choose how to move forward from it.  So each day I focus on creating the life I desire which includes moving forward on my Path. I will find my way day by day, gaining clarity and following my intuition.  While some things have yet to reveal themselves to me, this I know for certain:  “Life changes in an instant.  Tomorrow is an illusion; you only have this instant, this moment.” Live in the moment, be in the moment.