A Relationship Worth Having

This month, my parents would have been married 48 years; I say 'would have' because dad passed away earlier this year (on Easter Sunday to be exact). It's hard for me to imagine spending 48 years married to the same person, yet I know my parents loved each other throughout their life together.

Mom is the daughter of an Irish father and an English mother. Dad was Italian; born in Treviso and immigrated to Canada when he was 20. Dad spoke next to no english, but managed to get a job, ironically, as an apprentice for my grandfather....mom's father. A chance meeting one day in 1956, gave dad his first glimpse of the woman he would one day marry.

He managed to convince mom to spend time with him by asking her to help him improve his English. They would go out for long drives each week-end and while dad drove, mom would coach him. On those occasions when she didn’t want to go, dad would coax her to go ‘just out for a coffee’. Since he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her, he would often drive for hours before actually stopping for the promised coffee. He knew she was the one and just needed time to convince her. He eventually won her heart and they were married on November 26, 1960.

They were very different, yet it is as though their differences drew them closer together or perhaps it was their ability to support and encourage each other to follow their dreams. While they built a life together, they also maintained very separate interests. Mom was a classically trained singer, dad raced cars. Yet even though these interests were so diverse and often took them in very different directions, geographically speaking, they supported each other's dreams fully, celebrating each other's successes, encouraging each other when things didn't go quite as planned. They always made time to be together, as a couple, and as parents. Family was always the most important thing in their lives.

They were, to me, an ideal couple. Strong and secure in their love, trust, and respect for each other. They took time to be a part of each other's interests and between them had a huge circle of friends which meant there were always people at our home making it a wonderful environment to grow up in. Our home was 'the place to be' everyone was always welcome day or night often resulting in a mix of racing fanatics and musical afficianados. Odd, yet it somehow always seemed to result in everyone having a good time.

I think we get too caught up in the maddness of life, rushing through it with little time and little thought to give to each other. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is somewhere around 50%? Yet, if we would just stop....for a moment...and think "What is most important to us?...WHO is most important to us?" Perhaps we would see that the things and busy-ness we fill our days with isn't nearly as important as WHO we should fill our days with.

When I look at my parents relationship, I see it as the kind of relationship I strive for. They truly understood that it was entirely possible to have the best of both worlds ~ to follow your dreams and have a happy, stable relationship and family life. To them, it was always a matter of remembering and spending time with what was most important ~ each other.

Working Towards A Goal

I tend to set Big Goals.

This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because a Big Goal gives me something to focus on and work towards. It's a bad thing because sometimes I get discouraged along the way simply because it seems like I've been working on the same goal for ages. Of course "ages" is completely subjective especially when you're working on something big because there is going to be an element of time involved.

Case in point. I've just finished writing a chapter for a colleague's upcoming book and I've just completed creating a deck of 60 inspirational cards and a companion booklet for the deck. I was (and am) excited about both these projects even though they were big and would take some time to complete. While logically I knew I was looking at a couple of months worth of work to complete both projects, part way through both projects I found myself feeling like the time was rushing forward and I was still working on these projects; it seemed like I wasn't getting anything done and it was taking forever.

While setting big goals is a great thing to do, it would probably have been wiser for me to create small goals or benchmarks within that Big Goal. By creating small goals within a big goal, I would have seen the progress I was making and I also would have created a sense of accomplishment and excitement as I continued to work towards completing the Big Goal. Without those small goals, all I saw was how much more I still had to do and at times it was frustrating. Ahh well, live and learn!

Goals, big or small always need to be S.M.A.R.T:

• Specific


• Measureable


• Attainable


• Realistic


• Timely

Write them down, then check to see if they meet the SMART criteria and edit as necessary. Then write out several copies and stick them in places where it's easy to see them often so they act as a visual reminder and a motivator.

So remember when you're creating a goal, make it BIG, and then make sure you put smaller goals within it or at the very least some benchmarks so you can see the progress you're making. It will keep you motivated and help you achieve your Big Goal.