Grief And Loss

The grief and sorrow that we experience when someone we love dies is so personal that often we feel that no one really understands what we are experiencing. They cannot possibly relate to what we are feeling; somehow our grief is different from the grief others have experienced.

We have all heard the usual words of comfort from family and friends. "It will be better in time", "At least they are no longer in pain", "You must move forward, take one day at a time", and so many other expressions of condolences. Well meaning words from people who care, we generally accept their words but we don’t believe them to be true. How can things possibly be better in time when we have lost someone who was an integral part of our life?

How often have you heard people say "I just can’t seem to get over losing him/her" or "I feel like my life no longer has purpose now that (s)he is gone" or you notice people just don’t seem to be interested in anything or want to participate in anything since losing a loved one? Grief, sorrow, loss are very personal and yes, everyone handles it in their own way and in their own time. However, what about those who never seem to get past the loss, what holds them back from finding purpose and joy in life again?

There is so much more than mere grief involved in losing a loved one. So much emotion that often is disguised as grief which needs to be healed in order for the grief to be healed. People don’t often examine their grief beyond the level of loss and sorrow. They struggle to release their grief, never really understanding the complexity of emotions woven throughout it and the need to heal all aspects of it in order to heal and move forward with their lives.

Anger, resentment, bitterness, abandonment, regret, guilt, just to name a few, these are emotions people often deny simply because they feel it is wrong of them to feel this way towards the loved one who as passed. Denying the emotions simply delays the healing and over an extended period of time may trigger the onset of health issues. Examining these other emotions may reveal an underlying fear. When you address everything beneath the surface of grief you are better able to finally acknowledge and fully release these emotions, allowing yourself to move forward in life. This doesn’t mean you forget your loved one or that you no longer miss them, it simply means that you have made peace with yourself and your loss.

Some people are able to do this on their own, others need help to understand why they feel the way they do and how they can get past it and move on. Defining the type of help needed is always the first step. Some require a group environment; being with others who have experienced similar losses. A support group atmosphere so they feel they are not alone in the way they feel. Others find solace in their faith whether it is through attending services, prayer, spiritual guidance, spiritual counseling or speaking with their spiritual leader. Still others go for counseling or some other form of guidance to help them gain the understanding and closure they need in order to find peace. No matter what modality is chosen, the underlying energy should be one of understanding and compassion so the person feels supported rather than judged for feeling the way they feel.

The thing to remember is that there is no disrespect in releasing grief. How deeply you grieve is not the measure of how much you love them; your love for them will always shine through your memories of them and your life together. When you release grief, you are not releasing the memory of them, you are simply releasing the emotional pain of losing them has caused you. You will always love and remember them and over time, those memories should bring you comfort and happiness for having been blessed for the time you had together rather than bring you pain and sorrow over losing them.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, allow yourself to acknowledge the 'other' emotions you may be experiencing. Give yourself time as grief often comes in waves where you feel that you are doing OK and then for whatever reason you experience your grief anew. It happens, especially when significant days and/or holidays approach. If you continue to feel overwhelmed and unable to cope, seek out help and allow others to support you in a way that allows you to begin to rebuild your life. While your life will never be the same as having the person here with you, you will eventually, find a way to regain the joy of living.

Blessings.